Waste Not…

I just read an article…by my friend…ChristyBirmingham…about…walking into a pole on a walk…and…it got me to thinking…for me…as a writer…nothing is wasted…literally no life event…no matter how embarrassing…gets put in file thirteen…it shows up on the page…eventually…albeit…often disguised…

I suppose that’s a good thing…it certainly brings a level of…humanity…to my writing…but…sometimes…I wonder…does sharing my…darkest…goofiest…moments…leave my readers with the impression…of me as…inept…neurotic…bumbling…

Bertha…says…not to worry…my writing…doesn’t make people think that way about me…no…she…says…they…already…knew those things…and…they loved me anyway…

She’s quite the comedian…geez…

Jane

Editing…Smediting…

That’s what I’ve been doing today…I love writing…watching thoughts become words…stringing them along…until they make…a paragraph…a page…a story…fills me with delight…editing…not so much…

But…I’ve been doing it anyway…because…Bertha-Size Your Life! is being rereleased by Saga Books shortly…and…that means…new edits…honestly…there weren’t that many changes…a comma here…a word there…nothing like starting totally over…thankfully…

Mostly…Bertha…left me alone…sinking ship and all…but…she did come by…long enough…to point out…that the whole process was a lot like when I go to the dentist…for…a cleaning…I don’t want that gunk on there…but…I really don’t want them to scrape it off…either…

Then…she started going…on…and…on…about how that’s a lot like life…and…well…to be honest with you…I cut that part out of the blog……I was…editing…after all…

Jane

Toto…We’re Home…Get the Juicer…

There’s something about a few days away…that always finds me…clicking my ruby slippers…and…mumbling…there’s no place like home…there’s no place like home…but…there’s more to it…than just getting back into my familiar surroundings…for…some odd reason…I come home…wanting to live a better life…

I think back on my trip…time with my daughter’s family…time with my granddaughters…time well spent…but…time…totally out of my comfort zone…different schedules…different foods…different activities…no writing…wondering…what exactly makes me want make positive changes in my life…

Okay…I can hear you asking…what kind of changes…and…it’s only fair I should tell you…I did bring it up…after all…

This time…I came home…wanting to be healthier…wanting to enjoy more healthy veggies…wanting to get my nutrients out of my food…not out of a bottle…wanting to exercise more…

So…I went for a walk after I got home…and…ordered a juicer this morning…never wanted one before…suddenly…gotta have it…and…no…my daughter does not have a juicer…but…wait…I did see one on TV…while I was gone…

Hmmm…that brings me back to a recent post…As Seen on TV…geez…I hope the juicer doesn’t end up in the drawer…with the bra strap thingies…oh…wait…I’m safe…it’s too big to fit in the drawer…but…I digress…

How does being away…create my desire for positive change…well…get ready…Bertha…that’s right…Bertha…says…that it’s all about getting out of my…rut…routine…that brings new ways of thinking to the forefront…that helps me change my perspective…

What can I say…she’s right…and…there’s no point in arguing with her…she always wins…and…then she gloats…so…I’ll just concede without a battle…

The juicer should be here next week…I hope I still want it by the time it gets here…

Jane

Bloggless in Alabama…

My post yesterday…on…Fear of Missing Out…brought up a fun blast from the past…with some of my friends…party lines…now…for those of you…who are too young…or…who were blessed with private lines in your area…let me explain…party lines…were sort of like our current extension phones…they were just in your neighbor’s house…usually about eight of them…

So…while…many of us…only had one phone our house…no danger of mom or dad…listening in…our neighbors…could…and…did…eavesdrop at will…often recounting every little juicy detail of our adolescent tête-à-têtes…at where else…the beauty shop…of course…

Now…I will say…I was fortunate…by the time I was into adolescent soul bearing…we had moved to an area with private lines…not so…for some of my friends who were in more rural areas of the county…

But…even without the party line…somehow…my mother always seemed to find out…exactly what I’d been up to…at her weekly beauty shop appointments…

I’m convinced…that she would go in and say…give me a quick shampoo and a set…and tell me…what Jane has been up to…her stiffly teased updo…a mere disguise…for keeping tabs on me…

All of this being said…because…I’m taking a bit of a vacation…it’s Spring Break…so…I’m taking the week off from writing…and…even though…I have lots of fun things planned…I’m a bit…afraid of missing out…I’ve not gone that long without blogging in a while…what will happen to my blog…if I’m not here…

Well…duh…nothing…that was Bertha’s answer…and…I know it’s true…and that’s what scares me…I’ll miss the feedback…I’ll miss the connection…I’ll miss the place in my life that my blog fills…

So…it’s a conscious decision…release the connection…release the feedback…allow other things to fill my life…breathe it in…relax…enjoy the other things life has to offer…but…it’s still unsettling…it’s still difficult…to give up…even for a few days…something that is part of my identity…even if…the break…will only make it better…

I’ll spend some time contemplating that…feeling…that fear…allowing it to evolve…doing the Forgiveness Prayer…for those parts of me where I feel afraid…

I feel better…already…

Besides…Bertha…says…not to worry…I can always go to the beauty shop…if I need to catch up…thankfully…some things…never change…

Jane

Alabama Two Step…

I rushed home from work…yesterday…yes…I know…I always rush…from work…but…this time…I was in a hurry to get home…because of the Master Koda Book Marketing Conference…try saying that three times really fast…that I was attending…online…

I must say…it was well worth the rush…I’ve taken lots of notes…and gotten so many wonderful ideas…and…therein…lies the problem…

That’s right…I’ve gotten…so…many…ideas…that I’m a bit overwhelmed…I mean…I’m…already…in the midst of rereleasing Bertha-Size Your Life!...with Saga Books…and diligently working on…the next…Big Book of Bertha…writing this blog…working fulltime…and my list goes on…

When…am I going to find time…to do all these wonderful things…that I’ve just learned…things that could put me in a bestseller’s position…and…if any author tells you…that being a bestseller…isn’t important to them…run…they may offer you some swampland…in the next breath…

That’s when…Bertha…reminds me…marketing…is a lot like life…I should have known she’d say that…it’s about taking a little step…then…taking another…all the steps don’t have to be taken in one day…but…when taking steps…it is always…good…to know where you are headed…

Hmmm…what can I say…she’s right…again…that’s about 4 million for Bertha…and…none for me…but…who’s keeping score…oh…she is…of course…

Jane

PS…would…you like to buy some swampland…hey…just asking…

60 Minute View Point…



Dressed for Success!



Bertha was recently interviewed by the world famous reporter…Barbara Katie Sawyer…I know you’ve all heard of her…hmmm…

The interview went something like this…

BKS…Bertha…I hear you are working on a new book…can you tell us about it…

Bertha…Of course…Barbara Katie…it’s Putting Your Best Foot Forward: Bertha’s Guide to Life and Shoes…

BKS…that sounds interesting…how do you relate life and shoes…

Bertha…honey…everything in life relates to shoes…like…there’s a chapter…called…This Little Piggy Wears Prada…it’s all about not settling for second best…going after what you really want…

BKS…hmmm…I can see how that relates…what are some of the other chapters…

Bertha…well…there’s…When Toes Don’t Show: Keeping a Winter Pedi…it’s all about getting rid of that creepy life fungus…that grows in those…dark…negative thoughts…

BKS…another thought provoking chapter…I definitely will be reading your book…as soon as it comes out…

Bertha…smiling politely as she looks at BKS’s feet…I’ll personally sign a copy for you as soon as it’s off the press…and have it special delivered…I think you could use it…I mean…I think you would enjoy it…

BKS…thank you…now…shifting gears just a bit…I know you live with Jane…how have you impacted her life…

Bertha…honestly…she was a mess…before I came along…negative…negative…negative…whine…whine…whine…I’ve really brought her…out of the dumps…she’s almost pleasant now…but…that cat of hers…it never changes…

BKS…Bertha…I know that Jane’s book…Bertha-Size Your Life…is all about you…tell us…who really wrote it…you…or…her…

Bertha...well…I let her do the typing…(buffing her nails on her tube top)…I see no point in chipping my polish on the keyboard…but…I tell her everything she needs to know…the girl never had an original idea in her life…

BKS…hmmm…okay…Bertha…there’s one thing I’ve been wanting to ask you…what’s it like living in Jane’s head…doesn’t it get cramped in there…

Bertha…oh…no…not at all…there’s plenty of room…especially since I cleared out all that negative crap she had in there…in fact…there’s so much room…sometimes…I just rattle around…

BKS…well…um…um…thank you for your time…I think I have everything I need…good luck with the book…and be sure to send me a copy…

Bertha…of course…Barbara Katie…any time…

Jane

The Handwriting’s on the Screen…

It’s pretty amazing…when I think about it…thoughts in my brain…cause my fingers to move…and words…appear on the screen…and…most times…they are the same words that I was thinking…sometimes…not so much…sometimes they are unrecognizable…even for spell check…who gets pretty haughty…and says…no spelling suggestions…but…I digress…

I had never spent a great deal of time dwelling on the mechanical intricacies of writing…until…the other day…I was watching as a co-worker typed…her fingers moved in tiny strokes…up and down…at the same time…words were floating onto the screen in front of her…like leaves on a stream…a seamless process…it was pretty cool…

Times have changed…when I learned to type…you pressed a key…and could watch as it came forward…pressing the letter through an ink ribbon onto the page…and yes…that was after I had walked to school…bare foot…in the snow…uphill…both ways…unless…I could catch a dinosaur for a ride…geez…everybody’s a comedian today…

But…I do think of those days…and how the process of writing was so different…I can’t even imagine…all the time I would spend retyping complete pages of manuscript…for little typos here and there…because…even though there was correction tape…I couldn’t get it lined back up and corrected…

And besides…I’m a muller…a jeller…I’ll write something…walk away for a while…then come back to it…delete…insert…and I don’t have to print it until I have it just the way I want it…and…honestly…not even then…I just save it in a little file…which thankfully…doesn’t require me to physically poke a document in a manila folder…and figure out my alphabet…

Would I have been a writer…if things hadn’t changed…I honestly don’t know…there’s no way to tell…all I know…is…I am now…and that’s what really matters…

Jane

Into the Meadow…

My writing life is expanding…and…I like that…I think…I have become so comfortable in the little spot that I’ve carved out for myself…that…I’m not sure who I’ll be in a more open space…

I’m reading Bambi…not the Walt Disney version…but the original book…I feel like Bambi…on his first trip from the secluded spot in the forest…to the open expanse of the meadow…

The meadow…filled with delight…discovery…adventure…but…also…caution…possibly danger…

My writing is taking me into the meadow…I’ve written before…I’ve published before…but…this time is different…it’s more expansive…somehow…

Maybe…this meadow isn’t really bigger…but…it feels like it is…like Bambi…I’m growing…my legs are less wobbly…my spots are fading…I’m learning…I’m listening…I’m writing…

And…while…in this moment…this feels like it’s about writing…I know that it is also…about a bigger picture…I know…because…Bertha is hitting me over the head with the skillet again…

Reminding me that whether it is writing…relationships…jobs…or…so many areas of life…I am constantly…retreating into the woods…then venturing back into the meadow…a meadow…that feels bigger with each trip…but…my legs are less wobbly…my spots are fading…I’m learning…I’m listening…I’m being…

Jane

The Path…

Promises…seems I’m on a roll…

I looked back to my very first post this morning…here it is five months later…and…I’m on number one hundred forty-seven…I bring it up…because…I focused on not promising anything…not to you…not to me…I only committed to writing…as Spirit led me…

And…I’ve done that…

In the process…I’ve written almost every day…expressing things that sometimes were a surprise even to me…as they unfolded on the page…emotions…happy…and…sad…found an outlet…as my fingers tapped the keyboard…

It has been a healing experience for me…encouraging…and not just from the kind words that my readers leave me…telling me…that they too experience similar feelings…although that is tremendous encouragement…

But…encouraging from the standpoint…of…showing me that I capable of stepping into who I truly am…and…although…the path isn’t always comfortable…it’s okay…I can travel it…I don’t have to know where it’s going…not exactly…I’m going where I need to go…

I think that’s the hardest part…for me…the not knowing exactly where it’s going to lead me…I went to college…I got a degree in nursing…that was a concrete path…I was a nurse…I pretty much knew what to expect…I could get a job…I could support myself…

Writing…totally different…when I write…it’s a rocky, earthen path…it meanders through the woods…it only makes one demand…one promise…and they are the same…to be who I truly am…I have to take it…

That feels both comforting and unsettling…and yet…I have a need to write…to share…to be open…to feel…to heal…to live my truth…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…

And…isn’t that what we all want…regardless of the path we are walking…

Jane

Writing Bertha…

As promised earlier…I am writing Bertha the Sequel…that’s one working title…the other…the one I really love…is…Naked Bertha 2 1/2—the Sequel…

I know I can’t use that title…for many reasons…first…Bertha wasn’t naked in the first book…nor is she in the second…nor will she ever be…and most importantly…the Naked Gun people probably wouldn’t like it very much…and most, most importantly…probably…nobody….besides me…would think it was funny…

You might have guessed that I loved the Naked Gun movies…the play of abstract and concrete humor…right up my alley…Leslie Nielson…one of my favorite actors of all times…

But…I digress…

For now…I’m sticking with Bertha the Sequel…until I come up with something that I like better…the title really doesn’t matter at this point…what matters is that I’m writing…

Writing…Bertha…

Funny…I probably had about 2/3 of the book already written…I just didn’t like it…so I stopped…and…now…I’m looking at it with fresh eyes…and I’m changing what wasn’t working…and adding new stuff that does…

My whole writing process has changed…before…I was just writing from my heart…something came up…I’d write a Bertha about it…sort of like my blogs…there was no rhyme or reason…and it was hard to put it together as a cohesive book…once it was all written…

Now…I’m working with an outline…and I’m plugging things into it…in a sequence…and thinking…how does this work with what came before…and what comes after…

There is one thing that is sort of weird to me…when I write…I see the scene…sort of like a movie…sort of like how you see things when you read a book…and since most of the stories take place in my home…I see my surroundings as I write…well…these stories have evolved over six or seven years…and I’ve lived in four houses during that time…so…the images I get are from all these houses…although it shouldn’t make any difference to the reader…it drives me a little nuts…so…as I’m tweaking stories…I’m moving them…in my mind…to this house…crazy…I know…

Bertha writing...

You didn’t have to agree with me so quickly…geez…

I’m also…thinking about…the roles that Bertha and I play in the book…who is the writer…is it just Bertha…or can we both be writers…in the first book…I worked…but it never says what I do…but…I did let Bertha start writing a book…which she still is…in this one…Putting Your Best Foot Forward: Bertha’s Guide to Life and Shoes…naming the chapters of her book is one of the most fun things I get to do…right up there with picking her outfits…

So…what do you think…how many writers…one…or…two…you’re welcome to add your two pennies…if you’d like…

The whole writing process is really pretty cool…Bertha seems to be pleased with the new style…which is a good thing…’cause as we all know…if Bertha ain’t happy…ain’t nobody happy…

And…I want to be happy…

Jane

Born to Be Write…

Sometimes…read that 24/7…I get a little goofy in my thought process…I’m not sure exactly where this came from…but…I think it was from a comment I read…I was a born writer…and I thought…not me…I was born illiterate…and the rest…they say…is definitely a spoof…

Born to Be Write…

Unlike some…I wasn’t born a writer…it went something like this…

My God…she’s illiterate…I can almost feel my mother’s disappointment as she heard those words shortly after my birth…she can’t read a word…she can’t even make her letters…stupid baby…

And…things didn’t change anytime soon…

Frustrating months followed…despite the best efforts of all concerned…my reading skills did not begin to develop until I was probably four years old…even then…it was just a few words…here and there…I could write my name…but…that was about it…

Although…I know it was difficult…the decision was made…shortly after my sixth birthday…I would be placed in an institution for the functionally illiterate…AKA…first grade…

For the next twelve years…I endured test upon test…and received appropriate interventions based on the results…exercises in spelling and grammar…were given to build up my vocabulary and make sense of my thoughts…

I made progress…and was soon to be released…but…I still had the occasional misplaced modifier…and dangling participle…I wasn’t ready to go it alone…my parents found another institution…college…

The tests were more difficult…the interventions more strenuous…after checking in and out of several institutions…looking for the one best suited to my needs…I finally settled in…and treatment began in earnest…

They gave me the best…teachers and textbooks…but…despite their interventions…I still suffer from the heartbreak of grammar faux pas…from time to time…

And…yet…I write…daily…

Jane

Note…I am currently undergoing comma therapy with a professional editor…and rely heavily on massive dosages of grammar and spell check…just to make it through the page…

Her Voice Was Changing…

Everything I…or anyone else for that matter…write has a voice…I hear it very distinctly as I read the page…I know the voice I like to write in…it has a soothing melody…a bit like rolling ocean waves…a friend of mine who sees life in colors…sees turquoise and lavender when reading those pages…

I like that image…I like that someone can see my voice as a color…and it’s very cool…that my favorite voice takes on my favorite colors…

To write in that voice…I have to be in a certain mood…a certain place in my life…confident…sure…true…and then it just flows…and I love it…I love writing…I love living…

I haven’t been there lately…I’ve been out of sorts…and my writing has reflected it…even though I tried…I tried really hard…to give it the same voice…it came out with a twang…a bit nasally…like singing with a cold…

Why am I out of sorts…nothing dramatic…it’s just as easy for me to get out of sorts when things are going well…than when they aren’t…sometimes it’s actually easier…I’m not always sure how to handle the good times…strangely…they can be frightening…

I found myself engaging in other people’s drama…seeking it out…at least that's what Bertha said…explaining that I wasn’t comfortable with my life at the moment…I was seeking distraction…instead of letting my life evolve as it was meant to…

So…I’ve struggled with my writing…trying from my place of frustration…to get my voice to sound like I wanted it to…

Bertha…gently…and when I say gently…I mean she hit me over the head with a skillet…explained that rather than trying to force my voice…it would be so much easier to do the things that I know will help me back to the place where the turquoise and lavender voice flows…

Nothing gives me hope like Granny's Buttercups!

Time in the contemplation chair…this time sitting in the sunshine in Granny’s rocker…visiting Granny’s buttercups…picking a few…digging a few…I feel my voice changing…softening…thank you Granny…

Jane 

Baking Bertha…

As promised…I’ve started working on…Bertha…The Sequel…what I may have failed to mention…is that it was mostly written about five years ago…I just didn’t like it…

It took me a long time to understand why…the ingredients were all there…Bertha…the cat…lime green spandex…high-heels…well-worn soapbox…Rita…me to learn lessons…they just weren’t in the right proportions…

Bertha is explaining it to me…as I type…actually…that writing…especially about her…is a lot like baking a cake…it’s not only what you put in…but…how much…that matters…

So…in looking back…the stories had the right amount of Bertha and the cat…but…too much of me…too much soapbox…too much lime green…who knew there could be too much…and honestly…not enough Rita…

While all of the proportions are important…it’s the Bertha to me ratio…that really threw things out of kilter…the equivalent of a cup of flour…to a cup of baking powder…you got it…’splosion…and a big mess in the oven…

So…I’m more writing than editing…which is fine…except…there are some descriptions I really love…so…I’ll have to figure out how to include them in the new recipe…

Here’s one of my favorites…                                   

I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. It was worse than a commercial jingle that follows you around all day long. It was worse than the little hairs that get under your shirt at the beauty shop.

I’ll figure out how to use it…maybe…it’ll be a conflict between Bertha and Rita…hmmm…that just might work…see how helpful you are…and…no…you will not receive royalties for the idea…okay…I’ll mention you in the credits…geez…you can be more demanding than the cat…

Who by the way says…if Bertha is flour…and I am baking soda…then it must be sugar…

Bertha laughed…now they are fighting…again…sometimes it’s hard to live with an imaginary friend…and an imaginary cat…just saying…

Jane

I’d Drive a Mile for a Camel…

I remember the first time I saw it…looking regal in a pasture full of mere horses…the famous Camel of Decatur, Alabama…well he may not be all that famous…I couldn’t find him on Google…but…he is a bit of a local legend…but…I digress…

He was standing in a pasture along the side of Whitlow Road…a narrow, curvy, winding road…that demands a bit of attention just to navigate…seeing it…I almost didn’t…

I quickly called a friend…you won’t believe what I just saw…no…I haven’t been drinking…what’s wrong with you…it’s the middle of the day…I know what I saw…I am totally sober…

I turned around and went back…

There it stood…same one hump…same tall neck…same arrogant look…yep…it was a camel alright…right there on a road that I traveled almost every day…I don’t know how it got there…I don’t know why…I just know it was there…

For some reason…I’m always looking for a sign…should I do this…will I do that…so…soon it became a game…would I see the camel…yes…that’s the sign I was looking for…

After a while…the unthinkable happened…they moved the camel…I finally found out where it was…but…I didn’t usually go that way…it was a busy four-lane…and the pasture was further from the road…honking horns and one fingered waves…I took them as a sign…let me know that slowing down to look for the camel…probably wasn’t the best idea…

So…you can imagine my delight…when I drove down Whitlow Road yesterday…and there it was…same one hump…same tall neck…same arrogant look…my camel was back…a very good sign…for what has been on my mind lately…

Bertha…The Sequel…

That’s right…I’ve been gearing up…as we say in the South…to finish writing the second Bertha book…and with the camel there to cheer me on…the timing is perfect…ooh…I might even write the camel into the book…Bertha on camelback…wouldn’t that be fun…hmmm…

Jane

A’Rested…

It’s been a busy week…at least for me…the life potato…I won’t bore you with all the details…mostly because…it doesn’t sound like that much when I put it on paper…and I don’t want you to laugh at me…when you compare that to your really busy lives…

Bertha getting ready for a bedtime snack

Anyway…when I sat down last night to write the blog…I was really tired…and nothing much happened…so…I asked Bertha what I should write about…the answer was rest...

I didn’t think she meant for me to write about it…I thought she meant to do it…so I did…I closed things down…got up from the computer…and went to bed…I did not go past GO…did not collect $200…but…I did brush my teeth…and wash my face…some things have to happen…and…now…I’m wishing I’d collected $200…I didn’t know that was an option…hmmm…

Anyway…I went right to sleep…and although I didn’t sleep all night…what woman over the age 40 does…I don’t think I got up at all…proving that I needed to rest…

Which has me up…bright and early…writing…

Bertha says it’s all about being flexible…about…not getting set in my ways…about realizing that some days I’ll feel like writing in the evening…some days I’ll need to go to bed even earlier than normal…some mornings I’ll want to write…some…sleep in…if you call 4:00 sleeping in…

She says that I have a tendency to get a little…translate…a lot…set in my ways…and that is a sure-fired way to stifle creativity…

And…she’s right…I have to admit…I do tend to get rigid…set in my ways…and then…the words don’t flow…the ideas don’t come…man…I hate when she’s right…

Now…I have to make the bed…my schedule is all off…I hope that means I’ll have some really good ideas for tomorrow!

Jane

Meet Me on Monday…

I’m going to be doing something a little different on Mondays…I’m going to be sharing my blog on what’s called an author’s blog tour…the purpose of it…is to help more people get to know some of the lesser known authors…you know…people like me…and their books…you know…books like…Bertha-Size Your Life…

I’ve never participated in one of these before…so I’m not totally sure how it works…the first post may be today…and it may not…how’s that for concrete information…

My current plan is to continue to post on Mondays…and have the author interview as a second post for the day…we’ll see how that works…

Bertha is excited about the tour…I tried to explain that we’ll just be visiting a lot of people’s blog…we aren’t really going anywhere…but…she’s been out shopping for shoes…and getting her nails done…you know Bertha…any excuse for high heels and a mani-pedi…

Me…I’m in my house shoes…my nails are scraggly…but…I’m really kind of psyched about the whole thing…it’s a cool way for me to get to know other authors…something I’m always excited to do…I’m always curious about what makes them tick…how they came up with that idea…that kind of thing…and…I get to share that information with you…

Sometimes…I have to admit…in the past…I was a little intimidated by the popular authors…okay…sometimes I was a lot intimidated…geez…you make me admit every little thing…this living my truth thing can be a pain…

But…I finally understand…we all want the same thing…whether we write books or not…we want to be heard…we want to be understood…we want to be validated…

And…somehow…that’s more reassuring than intimidating…maybe living my truth isn’t such a pain after all…

Anyway…I hope you’ll enjoy meeting the authors…I know I’m going to…either later today…or soon…Bertha's in the car...blowing the horn...I hope it's soon...geez...

Jane

True Confessions of a Middle-Aged Blogger…

I recently read a blog…about how to blog…it was very helpful…first it said to write everything…then delete at least half of it…I’d already figured that out…quite often it’s about the third paragraph that becomes the first…I wonder if you’ll get to read this one…hmmm…we’ll see…

Another of his tips was to tell your readers things that they don’t know about you…and yet another…was to honestly tell about your shortcomings…

Today I have decided to combine those two…and as painful as it is…here goes…

When I was young…much younger…about 55 years younger to be exact…now since you may not be aware of my exact age today…that made me be two at the time…I was caught shoplifting…

The story goes that I was in a store with my Mother…and saw this navy blue plastic belt…with holes all the way around it…of course I wanted it…I must have had a Bertha flare…even then…Mama said…NO…I grabbed the belt…and ran out of the store…and into the street…where there was…probably no traffic…we are talking Moulton in the fifties…anyway…Mama pursued…captured…whipped me with the belt of my dreams…then returned it to the store…

The sales clerk…either desperately needing a sale…or being an indulger of strong-willed children…insisted that Mama buy me the belt…her argument was that I wanted it so badly…I’d risked my life for it…okay…she was dramatic as well…

Mama…on the other hand…said that was exactly why she wouldn’t buy it…and we left the store…

Call it selective memory…I don’t recall the incident at all…but…I do recall the belt…see…several months later…Mama did buy it…and I had it for many years…with all those holes…it fit for almost ever…in fact…if it hadn’t broken…I’d probably still be wearing it today…quit laughing…it would have made a good necklace…but…I digress…

I’m not sure why Mama didn’t just buy me the belt when I wanted it…my guess is…she didn’t have the money at the moment…

But…I’ve learned a valuable lesson from the events of that day…all dreams aren’t instant…no matter how much you want them…no matter how much you try to take things into your own hands and force them…sometimes…you fail…are humiliated…are forced to give up…and then sometimes…sometimes…you get a second chance…

Funny how writing brings out things I wasn’t intending…but…Bertha is here to point out…that this story very much parallels my writing…

I wanted Bertha-Size Your Life to be successful so badly…I risked everything…sold my house…took things into my own hands…tried to force it to happen…but…it didn’t…I was humiliated…I gave up…quit writing for several years…and now…somehow…someway…I’m being given a second chance…I’ve…or should I say…we…have just received a third place Extreme Author Makeover from MasterKoda…

Seems that this little navy blue belt…is just my size…

Jane

When Intentions Collide…Julie and Julia Provide…

Okay…technically…it’s still 2011…but I really wanted to get a jump start on my 2012 intention…

I spent yesterday…getting ready to live fully today…I joined a new gym…convinced that as the one year anniversary of surgery arrives…I have the stamina to exercise again…I took paintings to be framed…bought cloth napkins for my newly gifted frog napkin rings…I planned my to-do list for today…

But…alas…my body evidently knows that it is indeed the last day of 2011…not yet the first of 2012…

The cold I’ve been attempting to ignore…another…most likely re-gifted…Christmas present…is making itself well known…and reminding me…being gentle with me…isn’t going away…just because I’m enjoying life to the fullest…

I’m attempting to reconcile the two…listening to my sniffling body…while fully enjoying a day in my PJs…watching Julie & Julia…on TV…and interestingly…there are no accidents…it seems to be exactly the movie I need to encourage me…and keep me in balance…

I’m reminded…that I must follow my passion…but…at the same time…respect my everyday existence…for it is from that existence…that my passion flows…

I’m reminded…to keep going…to keep writing…even when I don’t know where…it will take me…for I am going exactly where I need to go…

I am reminded…that food is truly more than nourishment for the body…it can…and should be nourishment for the soul as well…and should be savored…not swallowed without thinking…

I am reminded that there is more than one way…some doors will close…and others will open…

Interestingly…I feel a little better…may even accomplish a few of those to-do items…but…they seem of little consequence now…the urgency is gone…as I gently enjoy life to the fullest…

Jane

My Best Intentions…

Okay…so I’m supposed to be writing…but…it’s been a while…and my fingers don’t seem to work just right…or…write…or…maybe…just maybe…it is my brain that isn’t working…or…more honestly…I think it is my heart…

I do try to write from my heart…but…it is full…full of the sadness of the week…full of love and support…full of new memories with grandbabies and daughters…full of memories of the past…full of hope for the future…

The only thing is…when it’s really full…it’s like an overtired baby…it’s cranky…it can’t quite settle down…there’s no soothing…it’s not quite sure what it wants…what words want to come out first…second…never…

I want to work out my thoughts for the New Year…for 2012…what is my intention for the year…I long ago gave up the traditional resolution…the claiming of things to give up for the year…has proven to be a setup for failure…no…I find it much more productive to set an intention…an overall feeling…theme for the year…and…let it evolve as it will…

This year’s was…treating me gently…and…truly…I struggled with that one…learning to listen to my body…and…more importantly…to abide by what it was telling me…learning to trust the wisdom from within…has been challenging…and…I’m still a work in progress…still catching myself in an inner diatribe…still criticizing my limits…but…I have made progress…I have found practices that are sustaining me…I am writing again…I am healing with the forgiveness prayer…I am calming with Reiki…I have a network of loving, supportive people in my life…

Now…as 2012 approaches…my intention is…to live fully…I’m not certain of all the nuances of that…I know that it means to fully engage with the moment…whatever the activity of that moment may be…I hope it means…more activity…physically…socially…I hope it means…opening my heart and life to more…I hope it means feeling good…and having more energy…

I’m not sure exactly what it means…but…I think it will be interesting to see how this intention plays out…what shows up…what moves on…

Jane

Super Blogger...Strikes Again...

By day…she is an humble School Nurse…by night and early morning…Super Blogger…exploring unknown worlds…armed only with words…letters and punctuation…she is skilled in the use of a semicolon…hyperboles are no match for her…she scales the highest similes like a cat with a climbing gear…

And yet…she can’t come up with a thing to say…funny how that happens…some days it’s easy…the words almost type themselves…and others…well…they just don’t flow at all…

Honestly…my writing often takes its own turn…I start out in one direction…and suddenly…I’m in a totally different place than I had intended…but usually one that is much better…

Bertha says…that’s how it goes in life…I have a direction all plotted…I think it is where I want to go…and something comes along and gets me off course…I whine…I complain…I stomp my feet…and then suddenly…find myself in a unfamiliar place…one I never even imagined…but then I realize…it is exactly where I need to be…

I guess that’s what she’s been trying to tell me this afternoon…as I sat at the keyboard…typing around in circles…type…highlight…delete…type…highlight…delete…not getting anything meaningful on the page…I’m trying too hard…I’m forcing it…when all I had to do…was let it flow…quit trying to make it do what I thought it had to do…

Hmmm…sounds like contemplation chair time…contemplation image…thoughts…like leaves…fluttering in the wind…landing where they will…

Jane