Wednesday, February 29, 2012

When Pigs Fly…

I apologize…if any of you were disturbed as the squadron of pigs circled overhead yesterday…I’m not sure how it happened…but…somehow…by hook or crook…I turned in my tax information…in February…probably the first time ever…
And…the funny thing is…I could have done it a month ago…they were really simple this year…not much to figure out…no going through receipt after receipt…separating business expenses…and personal…it was all personal…mostly medical…
I never know why I avoid doing my taxes…but…I do…I avoid them like…well…like taxes…which…still makes no sense…I’ve never had to pay extra…knock on wood…usually get back a little chunk…you’d think I would be anxious to get them done…but…April 10th…usually finds me…envelopes in hand…apologizing to the accountant…one more time
Maybe writing to you has inspired me to be a better person…maybe yesterday’s unexpected day off from work chided me…
Whatever the reason…it’s done…the receptionist laughed at me…Bertha…laughed at me…I laughed at me…
The flying pigs laughed at me…however…grateful for the opportunity to show off their maneuvers…not knowing when that will happen again…
Hope you enjoyed the airshow…
Jane

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Path…

Promises…seems I’m on a roll…
I looked back to my very first post this morning…here it is five months later…and…I’m on number one hundred forty-seven…I bring it up…because…I focused on not promising anything…not to you…not to me…I only committed to writing…as Spirit led me…
And…I’ve done that…
In the process…I’ve written almost every day…expressing things that sometimes were a surprise even to me…as they unfolded on the page…emotions…happy…and…sad…found an outlet…as my fingers tapped the keyboard…
It has been a healing experience for me…encouraging…and not just from the kind words that my readers leave me…telling me…that they too experience similar feelings…although that is tremendous encouragement…
But…encouraging from the standpoint…of…showing me that I capable of stepping into who I truly am…and…although…the path isn’t always comfortable…it’s okay…I can travel it…I don’t have to know where it’s going…not exactly…I’m going where I need to go…
I think that’s the hardest part…for me…the not knowing exactly where it’s going to lead me…I went to college…I got a degree in nursing…that was a concrete path…I was a nurse…I pretty much knew what to expect…I could get a job…I could support myself…
Writing…totally different…when I write…it’s a rocky, earthen path…it meanders through the woods…it only makes one demand…one promise…and they are the same…to be who I truly am…I have to take it…
That feels both comforting and unsettling…and yet…I have a need to write…to share…to be open…to feel…to heal…to live my truth…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…
And…isn’t that what we all want…regardless of the path we are walking…
Jane

Monday, February 27, 2012

Promises…Revisited…

Joys are like stray cats…the more you feed them…the more you get…
Bertha
Yesterday…I wrote about promises kept…and I believe that keeping promises…especially to myself is vital…to my overall wellbeing…but…there’s a flipside to yesterday’s post…and that is…my Mama’s sage advice…don’t make promises I can’t keep…
Like a kid in a candy store…my eyes are often bigger than my stomach…okay…not really…I know my stomach is way bigger…I have a mirror…it’s just an expression…geez…anyway…my intentions…my promises…are often bigger than my capabilities…AKA…my energy level…
Yesterday was an awesome day…I made no promises…I just did things…I felt great…about nine o’clock…as I took the third load of clothes out of the dryer…I realized…I felt good…I mean totally…I felt good…
My next realization was…I couldn’t remember the last time that I had felt that way…no underlying headache or fuzziness…no fatigue…all things that I have since my Chiari surgery…and…I know…it was over a year ago…get over it already…and trust me…I want to…and…it is so much better than even six months ago…
Bertha’s recommendation…make the most of it…enjoy it to the fullest…she didn’t even hit me with the skillet…and…I did…I got so much accomplished…and…even visited with a dear friend…it was a beautiful day…I didn’t want it to end…
Part of the beauty of the day was…my realization…that my lack of accomplishment on many days…has nothing to do with being lazy…it is so easy to convince myself that laziness is the culprit…it is so easy to blame myself…when in fact…that just isn’t true…
My take away from this…make realistic promises…to myself…basing them on how I feel…not what I think the world thinks I should do…peer pressure rears its ugly head
Today…I woke up with a headache…I’m tired…and…although…I’ll do what I need to do…I’m glad I did the laundry…and vacuumed…and all those other things…yesterday…because…today…I’m making no promises…
Jane

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Promises Kept…

I woke up yesterday with the best of intentions…I would write…I would clean…do laundry…I would go to the gym…I got up plenty early…five o’clock…I promised myself…it would be a productive day…
Four hours later…nine o’clock…half a normal work day…the only thing I’d done was posted the blog…hmmm…slow writing for such a short piece…not really…mostly…goofing off…
Okay…a lot of time gone…restructure…maybe I wouldn’t clean or do laundry…yeah…I hate to give that up…but…I would write…and…I promised I would go to the gym…just as soon as I…check email…see what’s happening on Facebook…write this chapter…eat…digest…read a little more…hmmm…but…I was going to the gym…I promised
Before I knew it…it was after five…a full twelve hours had passed…and then some…and I had not made it to the gym…it was time to put up or shut up…and honestly…I seriously considered shutting up…
It was almost dark…I didn’t really want to go…oh…I was dressed to go…I’d been dressed to go all day…doesn’t that count for something…no…it should…you sure are a stickler for rules…geez…
And…Bertha’s a stickler for living my truth…it was about that time that she pointed out…all the promises I’d started breaking…I pleaded innocent…I kept my promises…if I promised someone I would do something…I did it…
But…what about promises to me…she so eloquently pointed out…yeah…skillet to head…again…that every time I break a promise to me…that I have undermined…my truth…my self-confidence…setting me up for failure…
She reminded me of little promises I’d made and broken…I hadn’t even paid them any attention…a phone call I was going to make…a card I would send…a treat I wouldn’t eat…money I wouldn’t spend…the list went on…but…I think you’ve got the message…and I’m humiliated enough…
So…there I was…decision time…live my truth…or…break a promise to myself…I reached for the car keys…there was an exercise bike…waiting…with my name on it…and…I had miles to ride before I slept…
Jane

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Imperturbability…

I don’t deserve this award…but…I have arthritis…and I don’t deserve that either
Jack Benny
Sometimes…I whine…I know…it’s hard to believe…hey…you…that’s right…you sitting at the computer…quit rolling your eyes…they could get stuck like that…didn’t your Mama teach you anything…geez…now…you’ve broken my train of thought…
Let’s try again…sometimes I whine…I don’t like what is happening in my life…it’s like my life’s inbox has been spammed…you know…bombarded with crap I didn’t sign-up for…that I’m not certain where it came from…can’t return it…can’t even find the culprits to report them…
It’s easy…with email…and life…to sit around…and say…it ain’t my fault…I was minding my own business…when…spam…bam…thank you ma’am…I’m in the middle of something…that I definitely didn’t ask for…
Of course…I have filters for my inbox…the equivalent of email police…taking unruly…unsolicited…correspondence…to…email jail…where…I get to play judge and jury…undisputed authority…with a click of my mouse…I can delete them forever…
Life…not so much…
Where are my life filters when I need them…geez…
Bertha…rolls her eyes…see…now…you’ve her doing it…okay…we know she started it…and says…they are right where they’ve always been…I’m just not using them…
Huh…
That’s right…she says…the practices I’ve developed over the years…contemplation…the Forgiveness Prayer…prayer…reading good books…writing…exercise…all these things are my…life filters…it’s just that…sometimes…things are going well…or…I get busy…or bored…or something…and I quit using them…
Then…it’s just like turning off my computer filters…I’m inundated…with crap…
Hmmm…but…what about when I’m using my filters…I really am minding my own business…and something sneaks in anyway…
Bertha…assures me…there will always be…a promise of depositing money in my account…if only…I send them my banking information…that makes it to the inbox…no filter can screen out everything…I will never be totally imperturbable…that’s part of what makes life interesting…
That…and…getting to use phrases like…spam…bam…thank you ma’am…I just love writing…
Today’s a good day…but…think I’ll…spend some time in the contemplation chair…and go exercise…no point in letting my filters down…
Jane

Friday, February 24, 2012

Puzzles Rock…

If all rocks looked the same…how would we find our way home...
Bertha
Sometimes…when I sit down…I know exactly what I want to write about…something has happened…something is going on…funny or poignant…it just flows out onto the paper…
This morning…not so much…
This morning…I needed inspiration…a jumping off place…so…I dug into my journal…that’s where I write what you aren’t supposed to read…and somehow…you keep sneaking in there…I’ve got to hide that key better…geez…
It was in my journal…that I found Bertha’s quote…
I reflect…
It’s so easy…for me…to feel different…and yet…I know I’m the same…I remember…we talked about it before…we all want the same thing…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…
I know…I certainly do…and…that’s pretty much my list…
Well…that…and a killer body…and lots of money…and best-seller’s status…and maybe…a house in the mountains…and one on the beach…but…I digress…mostly in jest…
Essentially…we all want the same thing…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…
We just see it from different perspectives…from unique points of view…and isn’t that the way it should be…not better…not worse…just different…
Puzzle pieces…all different…all unique…all essential…fitting together…to make a bigger picture…
Jane

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Any Penny in a Storm…

Yesterday…I bent down to pick up a penny…as I walked to the school gym…it was right in the path where the kids had traveled…back and forth…all day…maybe they had seen it and maybe they hadn’t…
See a penny…pick it up…and all day long…you’ll have good luck…I’ve heard it all my life…and I’ve complied…
I’ve never been hit by a car…or a meteor…or captured by a giant gorilla in New York City…it must be working…or…at least…I think it is…
Now…there are rules…only pennies found face up are lucky…
So…let me get this straight…I’m riding my bicycle down the middle of a county road…and I spot a penny…I brake…turn around…search out the penny…only to find Mr. Lincoln sleeping on his tummy…and I ride away…
I don’t think so…I pick that little sucker up…say…everything I’m doing is paying off…and add it to the growing…road-kill change collection
It amazes me that someone started the rule in the first place…what…they were too lazy to bend over…so they said to their companion…uh…it’s face down…uh…it’s not good luck…uh…better…leave it there…
Not me…I figure any money I find is…money I didn’t have…therefore…it’s bound to be lucky…
It also amazes me…that some people won’t bother to pick up change…it’s only a penny…or a nickel…or a quarter…
Not me…I figure any money I find is…money I didn’t have…therefore…it’s bound to add up…
But…that’s just me…
I find money in the strangest places…as mentioned…in the middle of a country road…what…people roll down their windows…and throw out their change…
Seriously…how does it get there…
Call me superstitious…but…almost the only penny I will leave…is in a public toilet…and…yes…I’ve seen them there…I’m thinking the Tidy Bowl Man throws them out of his little boat…the nautical equivalent of the country road scenario…
Well…I’ve given you my…two cents worth
Now…I’m wondering…if I offer you…a penny…for your thoughts…why do you always give me…your…two cents worth
Unfortunately…that will have to wait until another day…
Jane

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

And…The Winner Is…

Book group tonight…potluck…bring a dish that has a special memory for you…your family…hmmm…a few things come to mind…
McDonald’s hamburgers on Christmas china…memory…single mom with teenage daughters…their boyfriends coming for a holiday dinner…too tired to cook…
Eggplant parmesan…would be delicious…would love the leftovers…memory…used to have eggplant parmesan every Thanksgiving at the once husband’s family dinner…hated it then…just grew to love it in the last couple of years…
Pound cake…recipe given to me when I was 17…by then boyfriend’s mother…wonderful pound cake…sugary crust…still have my original copy of the recipe…well tattered and torn…memory…don’t use self-rising flour…when baking this cake…and leave for a date…especially on the day that your mother gets your failing embryology grade in the mail…big mess to clean up…not just in the oven…
Contenders…all…but…not quite right…             
Memory…two mothers…strangers…watching their children play at McDonalds…passing the time…have you ever made chocolate chip cookies with Reese’s cups…you really must…swing bumping child…tears dried…nose wiped…cars loaded…home…never to meet again…
Memory…two mothers…next door neighbors…watching their children play in the yard…sharing…chocolate chip cookies with Reese’s cups…warm from the oven…with a glass of wine…white I believe…sharing a moment…sharing a dream…sharing life…
Memories…bake sales…potlucks…slumber parties…chocolate chip cookies with Reese’s cups…
The winner…
Chocolate Chip Cookies with Reese’s Cups
Preheat oven to 350
3-miniature muffin tins sprayed with nonstick spray
1-roll chocolate chip cookie dough…cut into 36 chunks
36-miniature Reese’s cups peeled
Place cookie dough into muffin tins. Bake until they are light brown and ‘puffed’ up. Remove from oven and immediately press a Reese’s cup into each one. Let cool a bit in the pans. Remove carefully.
Create your own memories.
Biggest challenge…not eating the Reese’s cups as I peel them…second biggest challenge…saving cookies for tonight’s potluck…ate two already…but…they were damaged coming out of the pan…quit rolling your eyes…just you try not to eat them when they’re warm…geez…
Funny…sometimes the smallest things…make the biggest memories…
Jane

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Writing Bertha…

As promised earlier…I am writing Bertha the Sequel…that’s one working title…the other…the one I really love…is…Naked Bertha 2 1/2—the Sequel
I know I can’t use that title…for many reasons…first…Bertha wasn’t naked in the first book…nor is she in the second…nor will she ever be…and most importantly…the Naked Gun people probably wouldn’t like it very much…and most, most importantly…probably…nobody….besides me…would think it was funny…
You might have guessed that I loved the Naked Gun movies…the play of abstract and concrete humor…right up my alley…Leslie Nielson…one of my favorite actors of all times…
But…I digress…
For now…I’m sticking with Bertha the Sequel…until I come up with something that I like better…the title really doesn’t matter at this point…what matters is that I’m writing…
Writing…Bertha
Funny…I probably had about 2/3 of the book already written…I just didn’t like it…so I stopped…and…now…I’m looking at it with fresh eyes…and I’m changing what wasn’t working…and adding new stuff that does…
My whole writing process has changed…before…I was just writing from my heart…something came up…I’d write a Bertha about it…sort of like my blogs…there was no rhyme or reason…and it was hard to put it together as a cohesive book…once it was all written…
Now…I’m working with an outline…and I’m plugging things into it…in a sequence…and thinking…how does this work with what came before…and what comes after…
There is one thing that is sort of weird to me…when I write…I see the scene…sort of like a movie…sort of like how you see things when you read a book…and since most of the stories take place in my home…I see my surroundings as I write…well…these stories have evolved over six or seven years…and I’ve lived in four houses during that time…so…the images I get are from all these houses…although it shouldn’t make any difference to the reader…it drives me a little nuts…so…as I’m tweaking stories…I’m moving them…in my mind…to this house…crazy…I know…
Bertha writing...
You didn’t have to agree with me so quickly…geez…
I’m also…thinking about…the roles that Bertha and I play in the book…who is the writer…is it just Bertha…or can we both be writers…in the first book…I worked…but it never says what I do…but…I did let Bertha start writing a book…which she still is…in this one…Putting Your Best Foot Forward: Bertha’s Guide to Life and Shoes…naming the chapters of her book is one of the most fun things I get to do…right up there with picking her outfits…
So…what do you think…how many writers…one…or…two…you’re welcome to add your two pennies…if you’d like…
The whole writing process is really pretty cool…Bertha seems to be pleased with the new style…which is a good thing…’cause as we all know…if Bertha ain’t happy…ain’t nobody happy…
And…I want to be happy…
Jane

Monday, February 20, 2012

Abraham, George, and Jane…

You may think today is Presidents’ Day…and it is…but…for me…and my colleagues…it’s also flex day…which means…the kids get a holiday…and staff members who attended a full day of inservice during the summer…get the day off as well…
I didn’t…I don’t…                        
I had good intentions…I registered for the school nursing conference…I just couldn’t go…it was our first week out of school…I was still exhausted from finishing the school year…
I opted out…I felt so guilty…it was a free conference…I should go…I needed the information…the other nurses would be there…I’d look like a slug…
There just wasn’t enough guilt…to make me go…I needed to rest…
So…today…part of me is thinking…man…I could have the day off…I could be in the bed right now…if only…I’d gone to that conference…it was only one day…I could have done that…right…
Wrong…
I honestly don’t think I could have…
Bertha is excited…she’s glad I’m going to work today…because it means…I made the right decision…I listened to my body…I honored my health…I didn’t let guilt…or…a sense of obligation…get in the way…
She says it’s part of living my truth…and I know it is…but…there’s still that part of me…that’s screaming…but…it’s true…I want a day off…today
What can I say…I’ll see you after work…
Jane

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Not So…Everyday Magic…

There’s a certain magic to the lowly kitchen table…oh…not…the hocus pocus…pull a rabbit out of the hat magic…it’s the magic that knits families together…
The kitchen table is where…homework is done…crafts are made…meals are shared…and the best…most heartfelt…conversations take place…
I enjoyed such a magical evening last night…
The invitation to my sister’s for chicken stew…was simple enough…the high school was selling stew…she was buying a gallon…thought she’d invite just the sisters…and Mama…no extended family…to eat…
I had other plans…probably couldn’t make it…sorry…
But…as things work out…I got through in time to go…a bit late…but…I made it…the men were already retiring to the den…for conversations of golf and ball…a game of some sort was playing on TV…
I’d already eaten…but…there’s always room for brownies and ice cream…the four women naturally gravitated around the table…I can’t remember the last time…it was like that…no children…however grown…no business to be discussed…no hustle…no bustle…
I’m not certain of everything we talked about…a little religion…a little politics…a few aches and pains…just…life in general…the topics of conversation…really…of little consequence…because…it was magic…a Mama…and her daughters…sitting around the kitchen table…just enjoying being together…
And…it doesn’t happen every day…
Jane

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bring On Those…Lazy…Crazy…Saturdays…

Lazy Saturday mornings…part of me thinks…I should be doing something…the other part…the wise part…the part I will listen to this morning…says…I already am…
I’m catching up on savoring moments…that I’ve missed all week…drinking coffee with no distractions…writing a lengthy email…reading a new book…just sitting and being…
That is something…in some ways…that is everything…
So…I’m cutting it short this morning…somehow…that just feels right…
Happy Saturday…
Jane

Friday, February 17, 2012

Where the Dogs Are…

Looks like I’m into cycling stories…I think I’m trying to motivate myself to get back on my bike this spring…summer before last…I rode at least 1200 miles…last summer…following surgery…had to be less than 100…
I miss it…I miss the sense of freedom that riding gave me…I miss the sense of power…I miss the sense of adventure…I miss sense of accomplishment…
I don’t miss the dogs
Dogs…are the bane of a cyclist’s existence…any good book on cycling will have at least a section on how to deal with dogs…
Tops on the list…pedal faster…duh
There’s also…avoid swerving and losing control…or going into traffic…duh
Of course…everyone says…pepper spray…but…I’m not sure…everyone…has ever been riding into a head wind…with a dog nipping at their ankles…trying to get a canister out of a bag…aim it directly at said dog’s eyes…while missing their own…and…keeping control of the bike…not my best option…duh
And…lastly…if forced to dismount the bike…put it…the bike…between you and the dog…I’m not sure they considered more than one dog…circling like an Indian raid on a lone covered wagon…again…not my best option…at least…not as long as pedal faster works…duh
So…while they give some great advice…there is a vital piece of dog information…that isn’t covered…by any book I’ve ever read…
And…that would be…where the dogs are located…wouldn’t it be easier to just avoid them in the first place…duh
Instead…it’s kind of a trial and error thing…I find a road I want to ride…imagine a fancy flow chart with this information
No dogs…ride again…
Dogs…I’m comfortable with…ride again…
Dogs I don’t feel comfortable with…pedal faster…find another way home…and a try another route next time…
But…the funny thing is…just when I think I’ve got it all mapped out…I know where the dogs are…my rides are smooth sailing…a new one moves in…or…I get bored…and want to try a new route…and…there I am…pedaling faster…all over again…
Bertha…says that’s a lot like my life…just substitute troubles for dogs…somehow…it all makes sense…
Jane

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Just Keep Pedaling…

When I first started riding a bicycle as an adult…I was afraid of hills…somehow…I had this vision of myself attempting to go up a hill…and rolling back down…so…I rode for weeks…at least…to the bottom of this little hill by my house…turned around…and rode the quarter mile back home…I didn’t ride in the opposite direction because there was a fairly busy road to cross…
According to Bertha…I limited myself…
Riding in North Carolina
Of course…she’s right…I did…but…I also built up strength in my legs…I gained stamina…by riding…over and over again…that same half mile loop…it really wasn’t intentional on my part…it was just what I did…
Until…one day…call me bored…call me brave…call me crazy…I kept going at the foot of the hill…it was challenging…but I made it to the end of the road…where I turned around…at another even busier road…but…my cycling world had doubled…I now had a mile loop…woo hoo…
My world expanded that day…I soon began to cross that fairly busy road…riding another small country road…and before long…I was riding the road I considered busy…and…before I knew it…I was riding all over the place…miles and miles…hills and flats…I rode them all…
Interestingly…that little hill…and…trust me…it is pretty little…is still a fairly challenging climb…something about the grade of it…
Bertha’s advice for making it up hills…just keep pedaling…some days…it’s easier than others…
Jane

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

More Ado…

This lesson wasn’t over…sometimes…like the Energizer Bunny…they just keep going…and going…and going…
Anyway…yesterday…I was having a conversation with the Principal…no…I hadn’t been called to his office…it wasn’t me who rang the fire alarm bell and got everyone out of class…geez…why do you always blame me for everything…anyway…I was talking with the Principal…about some potentially unhealthy pranks the kids have been playing lately…and one of his comments was…
Peer pressure
And…I thought…is that not another part of what I was just blogging about…what will people think…the same concept…that…can make me be good…also…can get me in trouble…what will people think…if I don’t go along with the rest of the group…the bullies…the pranksters…what will they think…if I stand up…and say enough…
Peer pressure
Obviously…a problem with our children…although it has changed a bit since our youth…there’s still the conversation…about following the crowd…
Just because little Johnny jumps off a bridge…doesn’t mean you have tounless…of course…it’s videoed and on YouTube…and if it is…have fun…and be sure to send me the URL…we’ll use it as part of the eulogy…
Peer pressure
Where does it come from…
I had to say…they learn it from us…we…collectively…as a society…not just me and the Principal…geez…you do blame everything on me
We…show them every day…how we succumb to peer pressure…the way we dress…the cars we drive…the houses we buy…the people we please…we think we don’t fall prey to it…but we do…it is so very different from theirs…but…peer pressure…all the same…
So…where is this lesson going for me…is it ever going to end…may I take the batteries out of that bunny…please…Simon…may I…
Bertha…says this is gonna be one of those ongoing lessons…one that I’ll be reminded of time and time again…as I seek the balance between…living my truth…being who I am…and fitting into society…she reminds me…that no woman is an island…nor would I want to be…I’d miss you way too much…even when you pick on me
Jane
PS…be sure to check out the bunny link above…it’s really funny…funny…bunny…it rhymes…but seriously…it’s da bomb…

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Much Ado about Everything…

I keep getting messages…from a magazine article…an inspirational email…a youtube video…revolving around…not worrying about what other people think of you…
Now…I’d like to plead innocent…say that I don’t worry about what others think…but…in all honesty…I do…
I guess…I was just raised that way…it wasn’t so much about being right or wrong…it was…what would the neighbors think…what would the family think…what would the Preacher think…not necessarily in that order…
I’ve lived my life…trying to be acceptable…albeit…a little off kilter…okay…a lot off kilter…okay…not even close to kilter…whatever kilter is anyway…
You may have done the same…I’d be willing to bet that many of you have…
So…I’m thinking…what would today look like…if we all just did what we do…wore what we wore…ate what we ate…danced when we danced…laughed when we laughed…cried when we cried…wrote what we wrote…without a concern for what someone else might think…
I’m thinking…it’d be a pretty good day…Bertha’s sitting at the computer...dancing…to…I Heard it Through the Grapevine…like nobody’s watching…and really…she doesn’t care if they are…so…why should I…
Jane

Monday, February 13, 2012

Double or Nothing…

To snow…or…not to snow…I hear Mother Nature’s trying to figure that out this morning…me…there’s no figuring…I say…NOT
I know…they aren’t predicting an actual…snow event…and…don’t get me wrong…I’m not anti-snow…I love to look out at that peaceful white blanket as much as anyone…and it was fun playing in it with the grandkids last Christmas…I just don’t want to make-up any school days this year…
I love working for the school system…I love that they take the safety of our children…and me…seriously…I love those unexpected days at home…I just hate making them up at the end of the year…see…I’m still a kid at heart…summer break is my favorite time of year…
So…now my mind…Bertha…actually…is…going in all sorts of directions…about things in life that we miss…and what if we had to make them up…
Miss dinner…well…you have to eat double tomorrow…hmmm…I might like that…just saying…didn’t mean I was gonna do it…who made you the food police…geez…
Miss Church a few times…next Sunday…wear something comfy…this could take a while…if ya know what I mean…
Miss a doctor’s appointment…yep…two of everything next time in…hmmm…does that really mean two mammograms…it does…man oh man…
Picture me doing the Scarlett O’Hara pledge…as God is my witness…I promise…I’ll never miss another mammogram again…and…yes…that is a turnip that I’m holding…what’s wrong with you today…
Finally got an excuse to miss that family gathering…uh huh…double it dude…you gotta make that up…
Okay…I think I’ve settled down…not sure about Bertha…she’s still thinking of things…but…I have to go to work…and keep my fingers crossed…no snow…although…getting out early would be fine…we don’t have to make that up…okay…maybe…a light dusting…just saying…
Jane

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Bluebird of Happiness…Not Up My Nose…

A few years ago…when I lived in my great aunt and uncle’s old home place…there was a bluebird house…right up next to the porch…and it has home to Betty and Bill…the most beautiful bluebird couple you’d ever want to see…I loved watching them as they raised their families…
When I moved here…of course…I wanted a bluebird house…
So…the first spring…I purchased a nice little house…sure to make any bluebird family happy…I broke my arm the next day…before installing the house…making installation much more challenging…if you can imagine standing on a steep slope…attempting to hold a bird house with a broken arm…while attaching it to the fence with the other arm…thankfully…my right arm…and…if you are laughing…you should have come and helped…geez…
Anyway…I was proud as punch…I’d seen some bluebirds in the neighborhood…I was certain they would move right in…
Wrong…
I placated myself that spring…maybe I was late…maybe they had already signed a lease for the year…maybe…they would come the next spring…
Wrong…                                               
The next spring…I saw a particularly large bluebird…or maybe it was a robin with poor circulation…attempting to squeeze into the tiny bluebird sized opening…finally…tenants…
Wrong…
I just looked out at the bubbling rock…and there are…bluebirds…having a sip of cool water…possibly taking a break from house hunting…they could be moving in…or…I could be…
Wrong…it’s happened before…
Jane

Saturday, February 11, 2012

What’s Cooking…

I love Saturday mornings…especially when I have no specific plans…at least not early…and…I can snuggle into the covers…until my heart wants to get up…not my sense of responsibility…
Today…was one of those mornings…ahhh…
So…I’m sitting here thinking…what will I write about…when I notice a package I haven’t opened…a new cookbook that arrived yesterday…Back to the Table with My Country Kitchen…by Betty Lynch…
I know…I need another cookbook like I need another hole in my head…but as you may recall…I got one of those last year as well…so…I deserve the cookbook…
And…besides…this one is different…the first recipe I saw when I opened it was…Chocolate Gravy…do you know…in all my 57 southern drawling years…I’ve never had Chocolate Gravy…yes…I’m deprived…I’ll be remedying that in just a bit…so…feel free to send biscuits…if you feel so led…
Anyway...it only went uphill…from Chocolate Gravy…I’m loving all the recipes…there seems to be something for everybody…from…fresh is best…to…I’ve got a soccer team to feed in twenty minutes—help…from…meat and potato appetites…to…hold the meat—hold the potatoes—what’s left
Then…there’s the story behind the recipes…when author Betty is teaching editor Kim how to cook in order to test the recipes…I really liked that part…like when Kim asks…how do you fold raw eggs…hopefully better than I fold bottom sheets…just saying…
Well…I’m getting really hungry…so…I’m off to try Chocolate Gravy…
Jane

Friday, February 10, 2012

A Second Time for Almost Everything…

The School of Essential Ingredients by Erica Bauermeister…was the first book I read…when I got home from the hospital last year…there wasn’t much I felt like doing…but…if I curled around…just so…I could get in a position on the sofa…that supported my heavy head…and I could read…
It was the perfect book for me at the time…it was soft…it was comforting…I could almost smell the food they were cooking…reading it…made me want to eat…it made me want to cook…it made me want to live…it made me want to read…a lot…and I did…finishing it in a couple of days…
It was an easy suggestion for book group this month…
Interestingly…I’m finding…as I reread it…that I’m enjoying it even more…the softness…the texture…I’m not in a hurry…I’m savoring the words…I’m letting them soak in…
The experience has made me realize…how often I read too quickly…so enthralled by the plot…wanting to know what is going to happen…that I miss the words…the delicacies of the pictures painted…the true beauty of the book…
It’s a pattern that I’m seeing repeated in my life…the need to…savor the coffee…breathe deeply…look for the joy in the moment…read slowly…do one thing at a time…be present…
Thankfully…there’s another cup of coffee…another breath…another moment…another chance to read…or reread…another chance to slow down…and be present…
Jane

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Keep Your Eyes to Yourself…

Personal success…can only be measured…using your own stick…
Bertha
Keep your eyes to yourself…every student has heard it…every teacher has said it…
Being neither…I was unprepared when Bertha shouted those words to me at the gym this morning…I was on the middle of three treadmills…dreadmills as a friend calls them…and I admit…I couldn’t resist the urge to sneak a peek at the other screens…
This is what I saw…thought…
First…the guy to my right…so…that’s what eight miles an hour looks like…I’ll never make that…that’s like twice as fast as I go for my fast lap…he’s not even breathing hard…he’s probably burning a gazillion calories…not like me…poking along…
Next…woman on my left…so…she’s only going three miles an hour…that’s my slow pace…she’d probably do better if she did like me…and did intervals…so she could have some faster speeds…I’m probably burning more calories than her…
So…what was wrong with that…why was Bertha shouting…aside from the fact that was hard to hear above the treadmills and my iPod…
Well…she says it was because…comparing myself to others…whether favorably…or unfavorably…is totally nonproductive…that the only comparison that matters is me to me…it doesn’t matter if it’s my gym workout…my writing…the size of my house…or even my love life…
And…she’s right…again…give me a break…unlike me…she’s never wrong…wait…help…I’m doing it again…geez…
Jane

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Please Stand for the Pledge…

I love little kids…love how their minds work…love the depth and innocence of their thought process…
Case in point…youngest granddaughter…age three and a half…recently asked if she could say the pledge…here’s how it went…
God my Father…I know what to do better than my Grandma…Amen
Funny thing…no one argued with her…or considered that she might be talking about her other grandmother…geez…
This is the same child who…after weeks of singing…Grandma Got Run Over By a REINDEER…(her emphasis)…was panicky on Christmas morning to see if Gran Gran…AKA…the other grandmother…got run over during the night…
Today’s questions were…why do acorns wear hats…and…why does she have some boy toes and some girl toes
I might attempt the question about the acorns…I’m not real sure about the toes…I think I’ll let her other grandmother answer that one…since she made it through reindeer night unscathed…
Jane

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Sky is Falling…The State is Coming…

I’m beginning to feel like the proverbial Chicken Little…screaming…The Sky is Falling…The Sky is Falling
Except I’m yelling…The State is ComingThe State is Coming…and running around like a chicken with my head cut off…well not really…but it sounded funny so I threw it in…sorry Chickie
Unfortunately…unlike Small Chick’s fate…the state really is coming…it’s time for State Monitoring of our school system’s nursing program…
I think I’m ready…I’ve crossed T’s and dotted I’s…but…it’s still stressful…or worrisome…as we sometimes say…the thought of someone coming in to grade you…so to speak…what do they think…we’re in a school…
Well…yeah…maybe they do…hmmm…                       
Bertha of course…has some helpful suggestions for stressful times such as this…
First…get plenty of rest…
Next…drink plenty of water…
Last…get plenty of exercise…
Okay…I’m following her advice…here’s how it’s going…I’m drinking so much water…that I’m not getting any rest…but…I am getting some exercise going back and forth to the potty…
So…what do you think…two out of three…one out of three…geez…
Seriously…all is well…I think I am ready…I think I’ll do fine…I just wish they would hurry up and come and get it over with...

Jane

Monday, February 6, 2012

I See the Moon…The Moon Sees Bertha…

The moon was shining through the kitchen window this morning as I poured my coffee…and yes…I took a moment to savor it…it was big and round and beautiful…it looked like the full moon…I Googled it…it won’t be full until tomorrow…
So…I’m wondering…when the moon is full…does it still have room for Jello…or does it push back its plate…and say enough already…
And…what does it take to get it full…when it’s not quite there…a second helping of mashed potatoes…bowl of ice cream…slice of cheese cake…chocolate…
Or…is it more of a sense of completeness that it needs…a degree…a house…a bigger house…a convertible…a relationship…a promotion…
What does it take to fill the moon…
Bertha says it’s a lot like my life…you probably saw that coming didn’t you…yeah…me too…everything is a lot like my life in her opinion
It’s really already full…no mashed potatoes or promotion needed…it’s always full…I just can’t see it at the moment…it needs to turn just a bit…then I can catch a glimpse of the fullness of it…as it begins to turn the other way…
Jane

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Falling Leaves…

Get over who you were…and…be who you are...
Bertha
Yesterday…I noticed a solitary leaf clinging to an otherwise naked tree…not really an earth shattering event…and most likely not unique…most likely being duplicated on thousands of other trees…along thousands of other roads…
I’m not sure why it caught my attention…but…once it was in my awareness…Bertha grabbed hold of it…as quickly…and firmly…as a child snatching a sucker in a candy store…
There was a correlation to my life…duh…there’s always a correlation to my life…
She pointed out…again…we’ve had this discussion before…that the leaf represented fear of letting go…it was clinging to the old…the no longer useful…the dead…refusing to let go…and become who it now was…
I let her words in…even though the message was well-worn…it struck a new chord this time…the fear…I would like to say concern…but it is a fear…of being who I have become…who I am…is in reality…the fear of being pummeled back into who I was…
If I never go forward…I will never be forced back…I will stay in this no man’s land…a dry leaf…clinging to a winter tree…a familiar place…where no growth takes place…where no dreams are realized…
The words definitely make a new melody…soothing me…like a lullaby…I have already become the person that I am…there’s no stopping that…no going back…I am who I now am…it’s okay…let go of the tree…float…
Jane

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Juan Valdez…Couldn’t Start the Day Without Him…

In response to my frustration this week…Bertha…has been reminding me…gently with that skillet to the head…to slow down…be in the present moment…to fully engage in what I am doing…to savor the joy that is hidden in the chaos…
I must not have been listening…so…she left me a note by the coffee pot…that said…
Read this…out loud…
I’m grateful that Juan Valdez and his burrow got up early…and went out to pick these coffee beans…at their peak of flavor…I’m grateful that someone processed them…shipped them to my local store…and that the store was open at a convenient time…so that I could purchase a bag of coffee…in my favorite grind and flavor…I am grateful that I have a wonderful electric coffee pot…with a timer…so that the coffee is ready when I get up in the morning…I’m grateful that I have these beautiful coffee mugs…that are just the right size…and shape…I love to feel the warmth of the coffee against my hand…
Wow…she definitely got my attention…although…I love my morning coffee…I must admit…I usually don’t give it my full attention…for more than the first sip…anyway…
It goes more like…pull up the sheets…take a sip…pull up the bedspread…take a sip…put on makeup…take a sip…work on the blog…take a sip…I have too much to do in the morning…to just sit with my coffee…
Or…do I…maybe I have too much to do…not to take two minutes…and just savor the coffee…find the joy in the chaos of my coming day…I think I’ll go…sit in the contemplation chair…with a cup...and see how it goes…
Jane

Friday, February 3, 2012

Joy Spots…

There’s something in every day to celebrate…to be happy about…at least…that’s what Bertha says…she calls them Joy Spots…and says they are everywhere…if you look…
Yesterday, I forgot to look…
It was one of those crazy days…there should have been a full moon…Mercury should have been retrograde…but…they weren’t…
I started out needing gas…pulled into the pump…slid my card…pushed the premium grade of gas…oops…no problem…I’d cancel…pump didn’t like that…evidently it wasn’t aware that a woman has the prerogative to change her mind…it didn’t know what to do…it froze…requiring me to collect my purse and keys…go inside…stand in line…to ask the attendant to reset the pump…
Squeaking into work…barely early…I started my computer…entering my email password…you got it…it didn’t like it…didn’t realize a woman can make a mistake…took forever to settle down and let me enter the right password…
The tone was set…
It’s funny…actually it’s not…but…it’s funny…your kids can always tell when you’re frazzled…and do everything they can to frazzle you a bit more…it’s no different working in a school…there are just a lot more of them to jump up and down on that last nerve…yep…they used it as a trampoline…
Mercifully…the last bell rang…
On to Wally World…to buy a mini refrigerator for my office…Mama on her way to meet me to load it in her vehicle…wait at the service desk…get someone to help load it…arrive at the isle…can you see what’s coming here…do you need a drum roll…I didn’t think so…they were out…would have some on Saturday…but…Decatur had three…
Call Mama…go to Decatur instead…stand in line at the service desk…get someone to help me load it…get to the isle…where…they had a nice selection…I chose white…with no more hitches…it was loaded in the vehicle…
I visited with Mama a bit…then drove home…exhausted…Bertha was waiting…I think she’d been hanging around all day…I had just been ignoring her…
She started pointing to the Joy Spots of my day…which started with yesterday’s blog…it was definitely a joy to remember such a delightful lady…and that time in my life…
She pointed to the vase of buttercups on my counter…straight from Granny’s…
She steered me in the direction of the mirror…good hair day…hey…nothing to sneeze at…they don’t come that often…
She reminded me of the nice visit I had with Mama…that I wouldn’t have had if we’d just met at Wally World and she’d gone home…
She reminded me of the little kids at school…who reached for a hug when I saw them in the hall…and the big kids…who grinned…and had something funny to say…
She had a lot to say…there were at least a Dalmatian full of joy spots I’d overlooked…I went to bed…tired…but happy…
But…I’m glad I don’t need gas this morning…just saying…
Jane

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Lessons I Learned…

Many years have passed since I went to nursing school…where I was taught how to check a blood pressure…place a catheter…give a bed bath…and so many other tasks…that I have performed repeatedly over the years…
But…my most valuable lessons…were not presented in the classroom…the learning lab…or even with an instructor in the clinical setting…
My most valuable lessons were taught by a little lady who was my home visit patient…
UAB was a decidedly community oriented school…and when a friend of mine heard that I needed a home visit patient…she asked if I would see her grandmother…her husband had passed away…she was in her 80’s…she had sugar and high blood pressure…the family would love for someone to check in on her and keep a check on her pressure…
Let the learning begin…
I arrived with a twenty-something page assessment…I don’t remember what it was called…but…it was filled with questions regarding history…social…family…medical…spiritual...
Just to review the questions would take a while…
What I found was…I couldn’t keep her on task…I’d ask a question…and she’d give me a dissertation on something totally unrelated…she didn’t have dementia…she just wanted to visit…this was a social call for her…a grade for me…I tried in vain to make it through my list…she talked about knowing my fiancĂ©e’s grandparents when they all moved from Italy…after an hour or so…I gave up…I’d take the failing grade…I couldn’t interview her…
Interestingly…when I pulled the assessment out at my apartment…I could answer all the questions…she’d told me everything I needed to know…on her terms…
Lesson Learned…if you are willing to listen…people tell you what you need to know…
Subsequent visits ensued…I had teaching to complete…diet…limit carbohydrates…limit sugar…keep her blood sugar and blood pressure in control…I had it all laid out…diet sheets…sodium lists…
She looked me straight in the face…and uttered these words…so what if I die this year instead of next…I want to go with a little meat on my bones…I have to have my basta…and I want a little salt on it
I looked her straight in the face…and with all the stern professionalism a 21 year-old could muster…replied…yes ma’am
Lesson Learned…there’s a difference in quantity and quality of life…a patient…a person…has the right to choose…
Until graduation…I continued to visit her…and I use the term literally…I checked her blood pressure…talked to her about her blood sugars…but never did I try to take away her basta (pasta) or sueka (sauce) again…I listened…I learned…I enjoyed…
Lesson Learned…things go better when everyone has the same agenda…
After graduation…I passed her to a friend who was ready for a home visit patient…and she passed her to a friend when she graduated…and so on…
She lived to be in her ninety’s…and had a little meat on her bones when she went…she left behind a large adoring family…and several students…who became better nurses for having known her…
Jane

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Soup’s On…

After a busy day…I wanted potato soup…I peeled…I chopped…I cooked…I have to say…it was the best I’ve ever made…too bad…to quote MacArthur ParkI’ll never have that recipe again…good…bad…or…indifferent…I never do…
I have umpteen cookbooks…I just never use them…at least not more than once or twice…they’re more like…inspiration books…
My neighbor once called me an intuitive cook…AKA…I put whatever I had in the pot…and hoped it tasted good…mostly…it did…
It’s just the way I learned to cook…a pinch of this…a dab of that…don’t have this…no problem…substitute that…that’s how the women in my family cooked…things were rarely measured…too much milk in the cornbread…add more cornmeal…too dry…add more milk…of course…you could end up with a huge pan of cornbread…if you weren’t careful…but…somehow…we never did…
I have to say…it’s still my favorite way to cook…whatever suits me today…going into the pot…never measuring…just pinching and dabbing…
I rarely make finicky things…like cakes…that will only rise if you do the precise amounts of the right things…sifting…leveling…don’t peek too soon…way too frustrating for me…give me a casserole…or better yet…give me soup…
Bertha says my cooking’s a lot like my life…a pinch of this…a dab of that…don’t like to follow rules…don’t have that…make do with this…stir it all up…and it turns out pretty good…mostly…
Jane