When Intentions Collide…Julie and Julia Provide…

Okay…technically…it’s still 2011…but I really wanted to get a jump start on my 2012 intention…

I spent yesterday…getting ready to live fully today…I joined a new gym…convinced that as the one year anniversary of surgery arrives…I have the stamina to exercise again…I took paintings to be framed…bought cloth napkins for my newly gifted frog napkin rings…I planned my to-do list for today…

But…alas…my body evidently knows that it is indeed the last day of 2011…not yet the first of 2012…

The cold I’ve been attempting to ignore…another…most likely re-gifted…Christmas present…is making itself well known…and reminding me…being gentle with me…isn’t going away…just because I’m enjoying life to the fullest…

I’m attempting to reconcile the two…listening to my sniffling body…while fully enjoying a day in my PJs…watching Julie & Julia…on TV…and interestingly…there are no accidents…it seems to be exactly the movie I need to encourage me…and keep me in balance…

I’m reminded…that I must follow my passion…but…at the same time…respect my everyday existence…for it is from that existence…that my passion flows…

I’m reminded…to keep going…to keep writing…even when I don’t know where…it will take me…for I am going exactly where I need to go…

I am reminded…that food is truly more than nourishment for the body…it can…and should be nourishment for the soul as well…and should be savored…not swallowed without thinking…

I am reminded that there is more than one way…some doors will close…and others will open…

Interestingly…I feel a little better…may even accomplish a few of those to-do items…but…they seem of little consequence now…the urgency is gone…as I gently enjoy life to the fullest…

Jane

My Best Intentions…

Okay…so I’m supposed to be writing…but…it’s been a while…and my fingers don’t seem to work just right…or…write…or…maybe…just maybe…it is my brain that isn’t working…or…more honestly…I think it is my heart…

I do try to write from my heart…but…it is full…full of the sadness of the week…full of love and support…full of new memories with grandbabies and daughters…full of memories of the past…full of hope for the future…

The only thing is…when it’s really full…it’s like an overtired baby…it’s cranky…it can’t quite settle down…there’s no soothing…it’s not quite sure what it wants…what words want to come out first…second…never…

I want to work out my thoughts for the New Year…for 2012…what is my intention for the year…I long ago gave up the traditional resolution…the claiming of things to give up for the year…has proven to be a setup for failure…no…I find it much more productive to set an intention…an overall feeling…theme for the year…and…let it evolve as it will…

This year’s was…treating me gently…and…truly…I struggled with that one…learning to listen to my body…and…more importantly…to abide by what it was telling me…learning to trust the wisdom from within…has been challenging…and…I’m still a work in progress…still catching myself in an inner diatribe…still criticizing my limits…but…I have made progress…I have found practices that are sustaining me…I am writing again…I am healing with the forgiveness prayer…I am calming with Reiki…I have a network of loving, supportive people in my life…

Now…as 2012 approaches…my intention is…to live fully…I’m not certain of all the nuances of that…I know that it means to fully engage with the moment…whatever the activity of that moment may be…I hope it means…more activity…physically…socially…I hope it means…opening my heart and life to more…I hope it means feeling good…and having more energy…

I’m not sure exactly what it means…but…I think it will be interesting to see how this intention plays out…what shows up…what moves on…

Jane

Dead Women Don’t Wear Girdles…

I came up with this title…and I love it…I just can’t figure out quite what to do with it…it might help if I’d seen the movie that gave me the inspiration…but…I didn’t…

So…I’m on my own…I keep getting ideas…but they seem morbid…and perhaps insensitive…although…that would never be my intent…I’ll tread lightly…

Okay…since there are no accidents…this popped into my head for a reason…something I need to learn…something I need to say…or…I’ve finally lost that one lone marble that’s been rolling around in my head all these years…

I’m gonna go with something I need to learn…which means it will also get said…

Quit rolling your eyes…guess we know which one you think…geez…

I keep thinking…when I am a corpse…will I ask the undertaker…does this casket make me look fat…do you think you could squeeze me into a smaller size…maybe something in black…

I know…that’s irreverent…I suppose the question I am asking myself…is…am I willing to go to the grave worrying about what other people think of me…

And the answer is…I hope not…

I hope I realize that my life is bigger and fuller than that…I hope that I appreciate who I am and what I do…I hope that I realize I am more than someone else’s opinion of me…more than my size…more than my wardrobe…more than my relationships…more than my job…and even more than my writing…I hope I realize that I am all of that...and more...

I hope that I will not squeeze into a symbolic girdle even one day…ever again…

And that when I do get to that undertaker…I will only ask…do you know what an awesome life I had…it was full…it was fun…you may need a bigger casket to fit it all in...maybe something in lime green and flamingo pink…

Jane

Of Mice and Kings...

I’m sitting at the desk and I’m writing…and it isn’t even going in a blog…well…it might…things like that do happen…but who knows…maybe…just maybe…I’m just writing because I want to…because it’s morning…because I have coffee…because…I can…

And…isn’t that freeing…there doesn’t have to be a purpose for everything…the house doesn’t have to be cleaned just for company…the china doesn’t have to be saved for holiday dinners…the good underwear can be worn everyday…well…not every day…but…as often as it is clean…mine’s in the dryer now…TMI…sorry…

Ahh…that saving it for someday…I’ve been doing it all my life…that and it’s cousin…waiting for someday…

I came by it honestly…I remember my Granny…we used to give her nightgowns for Christmas…and she’d put them away…never wear them…save them…in case she had to go to the hospital…she died at age 97 or 98…having only been in the hospital maybe three times in her whole life...with a drawer full of…really-old…brand-new…nightgowns…

That reminds me of a story in Bertha-Size Your Life called Mouse Ears…Bertha…on her way to Disney…is already sporting her mouse ears…when I ask her why…she says something to the effect of…to wait until she gets there to start to have fun…is the waste of a 12-hour trip…

That must be what she’s trying to tell me today…since I had no idea what I was going to write about when I sat down here…

She’s reminding me that life is too long…and boring…and unhappy…when I put off having fun until I get there…wherever or whatever there may be…

Okay…I get it…I’m headed to Memphis for the day…do ya’ll think the King will like my mouse ears…

Then again…I wouldn’t want to mess them up…maybe I should save them for my next trip to Orlando…

Bertha…stop hitting me on the head with the mouse ears…now you are gonna mess them up…geez…what is your problem…

Jane