You See the Moon…

It’s full moon…I love full moon…love how full of promise it is…

Can you see the trees?

I went outside last night…because the moon was so beautiful shining amongst the trees…and clouds…it was soft…it was glowing…there was one star…shining just above…and to the side…I was mesmerized…I came inside…grabbed my camera…and photographed the magic…

Except…the resultant pictures…weren’t magic…gone were the tree branches…gone was the star…gone were the glowing clouds…all that was left was…a big bright orb…against a very dark background…

I was disappointed…I had wanted to share the magic with you today…Bertha says…that I have shared it with you…a different kind of picture…one that lets you see it through your trees…your clouds…with your star…above your yard…

And…I suppose she’s right…okay…of course she’s right…I only truly see things…when I see them through the lens of my own life…and…I know the same is true for you…

I hope you felt the promise…the hope…the magic…that I saw last night…as the moon was full…shining amongst the trees…and a wisp of clouds…with one star…just above…and to the side…

Jane

The Path…

Promises…seems I’m on a roll…

I looked back to my very first post this morning…here it is five months later…and…I’m on number one hundred forty-seven…I bring it up…because…I focused on not promising anything…not to you…not to me…I only committed to writing…as Spirit led me…

And…I’ve done that…

In the process…I’ve written almost every day…expressing things that sometimes were a surprise even to me…as they unfolded on the page…emotions…happy…and…sad…found an outlet…as my fingers tapped the keyboard…

It has been a healing experience for me…encouraging…and not just from the kind words that my readers leave me…telling me…that they too experience similar feelings…although that is tremendous encouragement…

But…encouraging from the standpoint…of…showing me that I capable of stepping into who I truly am…and…although…the path isn’t always comfortable…it’s okay…I can travel it…I don’t have to know where it’s going…not exactly…I’m going where I need to go…

I think that’s the hardest part…for me…the not knowing exactly where it’s going to lead me…I went to college…I got a degree in nursing…that was a concrete path…I was a nurse…I pretty much knew what to expect…I could get a job…I could support myself…

Writing…totally different…when I write…it’s a rocky, earthen path…it meanders through the woods…it only makes one demand…one promise…and they are the same…to be who I truly am…I have to take it…

That feels both comforting and unsettling…and yet…I have a need to write…to share…to be open…to feel…to heal…to live my truth…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…

And…isn’t that what we all want…regardless of the path we are walking…

Jane

Promises…Revisited…

Joys are like stray cats…the more you feed them…the more you get…

Bertha

Yesterday…I wrote about promises kept…and I believe that keeping promises…especially to myself is vital…to my overall wellbeing…but…there’s a flipside to yesterday’s post…and that is…my Mama’s sage advice…don’t make promises I can’t keep…

Like a kid in a candy store…my eyes are often bigger than my stomach…okay…not really…I know my stomach is way bigger…I have a mirror…it’s just an expression…geez…anyway…my intentions…my promises…are often bigger than my capabilities…AKA…my energy level…

Yesterday was an awesome day…I made no promises…I just did things…I felt great…about nine o’clock…as I took the third load of clothes out of the dryer…I realized…I felt good…I mean totally…I felt good…

My next realization was…I couldn’t remember the last time that I had felt that way…no underlying headache or fuzziness…no fatigue…all things that I have since my Chiari surgery…and…I know…it was over a year ago…get over it already…and trust me…I want to…and…it is so much better than even six months ago…

Bertha’s recommendation…make the most of it…enjoy it to the fullest…she didn’t even hit me with the skillet…and…I did…I got so much accomplished…and…even visited with a dear friend…it was a beautiful day…I didn’t want it to end…

Part of the beauty of the day was…my realization…that my lack of accomplishment on many days…has nothing to do with being lazy…it is so easy to convince myself that laziness is the culprit…it is so easy to blame myself…when in fact…that just isn’t true…

My take away from this…make realistic promises…to myself…basing them on how I feel…not what I think the world thinks I should do…peer pressure rears its ugly head…

Today…I woke up with a headache…I’m tired…and…although…I’ll do what I need to do…I’m glad I did the laundry…and vacuumed…and all those other things…yesterday…because…today…I’m making no promises…

Jane

Promises Kept…

I woke up yesterday with the best of intentions…I would write…I would clean…do laundry…I would go to the gym…I got up plenty early…five o’clock…I promised myself…it would be a productive day…

Four hours later…nine o’clock…half a normal work day…the only thing I’d done was posted the blog…hmmm…slow writing for such a short piece…not really…mostly…goofing off…

Okay…a lot of time gone…restructure…maybe I wouldn’t clean or do laundry…yeah…I hate to give that up…but…I would write…and…I promised I would go to the gym…just as soon as I…check email…see what’s happening on Facebook…write this chapter…eat…digest…read a little more…hmmm…but…I was going to the gym…I promised…

Before I knew it…it was after five…a full twelve hours had passed…and then some…and I had not made it to the gym…it was time to put up or shut up…and honestly…I seriously considered shutting up…

It was almost dark…I didn’t really want to go…oh…I was dressed to go…I’d been dressed to go all day…doesn’t that count for something…no…it should…you sure are a stickler for rules…geez…

And…Bertha’s a stickler for living my truth…it was about that time that she pointed out…all the promises I’d started breaking…I pleaded innocent…I kept my promises…if I promised someone I would do something…I did it…

But…what about promises to me…she so eloquently pointed out…yeah…skillet to head…again…that every time I break a promise to me…that I have undermined…my truth…my self-confidence…setting me up for failure…

She reminded me of little promises I’d made and broken…I hadn’t even paid them any attention…a phone call I was going to make…a card I would send…a treat I wouldn’t eat…money I wouldn’t spend…the list went on…but…I think you’ve got the message…and I’m humiliated enough…

So…there I was…decision time…live my truth…or…break a promise to myself…I reached for the car keys…there was an exercise bike…waiting…with my name on it…and…I had miles to ride before I slept…

Jane

The Many Faces of Jane

After several years of not writing, I have decided to succumb to the gentle stirrings (Bertha rattling the cages of the prison I’d locked her in and screaming like a banshee) from within and start a blog.

As the author of Bertha-Size Your Life, I felt compelled at first to make it a Bertha-Blog. Similar to the one I’d done when promoting the book. Each entry would be either a full Bertha story or a synopsis of one. The thought of Bertha felt good. Even if she is ‘an imaginary friend’ she’s a good one and she’s been around for many years…she’s comfortable as a well-worn shoe…a stiletto albeit…but a shoe just the same.

And as good as that felt…it wasn’t quite a fit anymore…maybe I have a new bunion…or the sole is too worn. Anyway, I’m not promoting a book now. I’m not creating a brand, as the online marketers tout. I’m not really trying to sell anything, although if anyone would like a Bertha…they are still on Amazon and she’d love to come home with you. For once, I’m just being me and there are many sides to me. While I love writing Bertha stories, sometimes I just want to write a blip and go. Occasionally I’m in a pondering mood that doesn’t quite fit Bertha’s elaborate style.

So I have decided to begin a blog and let it be whatever it wants to be. It may be a quote…it may be a blip…or a burp…or a Bertha…or something in between…but it will be me.

I’m not promising you much of anything. Remember I’m not selling…so I don’t feel that I need to promise a daily or even a weekly addition. I’ll write as Spirit moves me and let it go from there. I’m not asking much of you either. Just stop by when you have a minute and you want to catch up. If you enjoy what you read, come often and send your friends.

Jane