Alvin…and…the…Gang…

As many of you know…I love my back garden…yeah…I know…it’s the size of a postage stamp…consists of a steep embankment…and…a drainage ditch…but…in my defense…it has been nicely disguised…as a shrub and rose bank…and…dry creek…and…yes…I know…in the States…especially…in the South…we call it a yard…but…I’m feeling a little European…do you mind…geez…you are being so picky today…

Part of what I enjoy about my…garden…is the wildlife…to be so small…and in town…I have a nice variety of birds…several squirrels…and…most recently…two chipmunks…

Of course…I Googled them…there seems to be a mix of opinions…from…they won’t dig holes…to…they dig holes…but…we love them any way…to…singing the praises of capital punishment…

So…now…I know…this time next year…I’ll probably be writing about the horrors…of chipmunks in the garden…but…that’s next year…and right now…they are plenty cute…and…their scampering…entertains me…yeah…it doesn’t take much to entertain me…I never said I had an exciting life…geez…

In my Google search…I also found…chipmunk symbolism…now…you already know…I do like a good…sign…now and again…remember…the toilet at the Church…yeah…I didn’t think you’d forget that one…

Anyway…seems as though…a chipmunk is a symbol of curiosity…playfulness…and…the balance between trust and caution…

Well…you probably know what’s coming next…Bertha…reminds me…although…I love what I do…and…I think it’s fun…that…I could use some more playfulness in my life…scampering…like the chipmunks…carefree…

She’s right…it is hard for me…to let go…and just have fun…I tend to hold back…with a sense of caution…hmmm…that brings up the T word…

Trust…continues to be a work in progress…and…maybe it should be…maybe that’s the balance…that…the chipmunks are reminding me of…something to think about…something to contemplate…

I think I’ll do that…in the garden…watching the chipmunks…maybe…they’ll sing for me…or…maybe…I’ll sing for them…who knows…

Jane

I’ll Leave the Light on For You…

Today…Bertha has given me an assignment…she must be feeling a little teacherly…since we went to the school Christmas party Friday night…schmoozing with the teachers and all…but I digress…and…wait…who am I kidding…she got teacherly with me…long before I started working at a school…geez…

Anyway…today’s assignment is to write about letting go…trusting…and setting boundaries…and it sounds easy…but…I’m finding it a bit challenging…probably the three most difficult areas of my life…do I really want to talk about them…

Not really…it’s vulnerable…it’s peeling the artichoke…it will get hairy before I get to the heart of it…and when I’m there…do I really want to share…not so sure…couldn’t I just go to the store and buy an artichoke…

Bertha calls class to attention…1…2…3…eyes on me…in her most kindergarten teacherly voice…time to start…

Funny…since I’ve started this blog this morning…I’ve had a few phone calls…and each conversation has led to letting go in some way or another…so…I know this is what I need to talk about…here goes…

Letting go…there’s a finesse to letting go…I’m getting better at it…okay there was that pair of worn out sandals that I held on to for two years after they were no longer wearable…well…they might develop a cure for flip flop blow-out one day…and they were my favorite…and it’s not like I was trying to wear them or anything…I just looked at them from time to time…with fond memories…

If your room suddenly got brighter…it was my light bulb turning on…

Trusting…challenging at best…how do you trust someone who has seemingly led you down the primrose path…where you are gobbled up by a monster…at least one time too many…and…in case there’s any doubt…I’m talking about me…

But…you know…that’s exactly why I can trust myself…every time I took that path…got gobbled up by the monster…even though my gut was saying…RUN…I proved my instincts were good…they were right…I can trust them…if I hadn’t taken the path…I’d never have known if there was a gobbling monster or not…

Oh…the light is getting brighter…

Setting Boundaries…I wrote about this in Bertha-Size Your Life…cute little story about Bertha in a Mardi Gras gown…sweeping the kitchen floor…because the dirt was over her limit…

But…in reality…this has been the most challenging for me…it feels cold and lonely…like one of those chain link fences with the barbed wire on top…like search lights and border patrols…and blood hounds in the swamp…

Bertha laughs…says it’s much softer than all that…

She says that it’s just living my truth…that every time…I’m honest with myself…and others…about who I am…that I’ve set a boundary…she says that boundaries aren’t walls to keep me in or others out…boundaries…are just being who I am…

Well…what can I say…the room is fully lit now…and Bertha was right…this was what I needed to write…I just hope she gets out of teacherly mode now…I just saw her go by with a paddle…and it wasn’t for a canoe…if you know what I mean…

Jane

A Pox upon You…Really?

I know…I know…I’m working on it…we talked about it recently…trusting another person to make the best decisions for her life…based on her life experiences…hopes and dreams…trusting her heart…I said I would do it…it sounded easy enough…

And it sounded so good when my friend was doing that for me…it’s just that…it’s hard to not roll my eyes…and say…people…what are you thinking…I would NEVER do that…when I hear about some things…

Case in point…did you know that there is such a thing as a Chicken Pox Party…where people take their well children to mingle with kids with active Chicken Pox…in the hopes that they will contract the disease…and not require immunizations…

(I wish I’d known about them when we had to cancel my daughter’s third birthday party because she broke out in pops the day after I mailed the invitations…I could have billed it a whole ‘nother way…and maybe charged admission…)

But it gets even better…say you live too far away to attend a party…there are people who have their virus shedding young’uns…lick suckers…and mail them…at $50 a pop…to well kids…again for the purpose of giving them the disease…

(By the way…Chicken Pox is airborne…and swapping slobber is not the best way of catching it…but there are a lot of other diseases…that can be easily transmitted that way…a little strep…hepatitis…you know…minor things…)

Now…thankfully…this practice is being curtailed…some federal agencies have gotten involved…because…it’s illegal to mail diseases…think Homeland Security…white powder…anthrax…hello…

So here I am…eyes rolling…exasperated…my inner nurse coming out all over the place…what were you thinking…children die from complications of Varicella…it ain’t no laughing matter…

Thankfully…Bertha is here to give me additional perspective…

There is a reason that this Mama feels strongly against immunizations…she doesn’t have the same medical background that I have…she’s had experiences that I haven’t had…immunizations have been linked…rightly or wrongly…with severe complications…this Mama is doing what she sincerely believes is best for her child…

Bertha…I love you…I know you are right…but…I’m really struggling with this one…not with the legality of it…we know…it’s illegal…but with trusting her heart…when it appears so different from mine…

Maybe it would be different if I knew her…understood where she’s coming from…maybe…

It’s gonna take some more time in the contemplation chair to get this all straight…

Jane

Listen to Your Heart...

Did you ever do something that you thought no one would understand…in fact…you felt like everyone would think you were crazy…and that you had done the exact opposite of what you should have done?

Well…I have…and no…I’m not gonna tell you what it was…you didn’t tell me…and yes…there have been many things…but this is about one in particular…geez…you interrupt more than Bertha…

Any way…it was one of those things that I just kept to myself…because I honestly didn’t think anyone would understand…I even thought they might be disappointed in me…or think me foolish…

So…it was with caution that I shared my action with a close friend…(yes…you…there in Mexico…drinking coffee)…and instead of being critical…even that criticism that we thinly disguise as concern…she said the most amazing thing…Jane…I trust your heart…I trust that you know what’s best for you…

You could have knocked me over with a flamingo feather…no one had ever told me that they trusted me to know what was best for me…well…Bertha says she’s been trying to tell me that for years…I was just too busy listening to other people to hear her…hmmm…

The few other people I told…were much more clipped in their responses…they did refrain from eye rolling and tongue wagging…at least in my presence…but I knew they were thinking…she made a mistake…I don’t know why she did that…I would never have done that…

And they probably wouldn’t have…but they weren’t me…and they didn’t have all my thoughts and feelings…hopes and dreams…and previous life experiences…that all played into my decision…

My friend’s response gave me much to think about…first…she was right…I had made the right decision…I did know what was best for me…I’m glad that I took the action…no regrets…

But it also reminded me of the times that I too have used my own narrow lens when viewing another’s actions/decisions…that I have thought…I would never have done that…instead of saying…Friend…I trust your heart…you know what’s best for you…and I am remorseful for that…

So in conclusion…I’d like to say…whatever you are dealing with…whatever timid actions you are taking…not knowing if you’ll have the support of your loved ones…listen carefully to your heart…and follow it…I trust your heart to know what’s best for you…and so should you…

Jane