When Pigs Fly…

I apologize…if any of you were disturbed as the squadron of pigs circled overhead yesterday…I’m not sure how it happened…but…somehow…by hook or crook…I turned in my tax information…in February…probably the first time ever…

And…the funny thing is…I could have done it a month ago…they were really simple this year…not much to figure out…no going through receipt after receipt…separating business expenses…and personal…it was all personal…mostly medical…

I never know why I avoid doing my taxes…but…I do…I avoid them like…well…like taxes…which…still makes no sense…I’ve never had to pay extra…knock on wood…usually get back a little chunk…you’d think I would be anxious to get them done…but…April 10^th…usually finds me…envelopes in hand…apologizing to the accountant…one more time…

Maybe writing to you has inspired me to be a better person…maybe yesterday’s unexpected day off from work chided me…

Whatever the reason…it’s done…the receptionist laughed at me…Bertha…laughed at me…I laughed at me…

The flying pigs laughed at me…however…grateful for the opportunity to show off their maneuvers…not knowing when that will happen again…

Hope you enjoyed the airshow…

Jane

The Path…

Promises…seems I’m on a roll…

I looked back to my very first post this morning…here it is five months later…and…I’m on number one hundred forty-seven…I bring it up…because…I focused on not promising anything…not to you…not to me…I only committed to writing…as Spirit led me…

And…I’ve done that…

In the process…I’ve written almost every day…expressing things that sometimes were a surprise even to me…as they unfolded on the page…emotions…happy…and…sad…found an outlet…as my fingers tapped the keyboard…

It has been a healing experience for me…encouraging…and not just from the kind words that my readers leave me…telling me…that they too experience similar feelings…although that is tremendous encouragement…

But…encouraging from the standpoint…of…showing me that I capable of stepping into who I truly am…and…although…the path isn’t always comfortable…it’s okay…I can travel it…I don’t have to know where it’s going…not exactly…I’m going where I need to go…

I think that’s the hardest part…for me…the not knowing exactly where it’s going to lead me…I went to college…I got a degree in nursing…that was a concrete path…I was a nurse…I pretty much knew what to expect…I could get a job…I could support myself…

Writing…totally different…when I write…it’s a rocky, earthen path…it meanders through the woods…it only makes one demand…one promise…and they are the same…to be who I truly am…I have to take it…

That feels both comforting and unsettling…and yet…I have a need to write…to share…to be open…to feel…to heal…to live my truth…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…

And…isn’t that what we all want…regardless of the path we are walking…

Jane

Promises…Revisited…

Joys are like stray cats…the more you feed them…the more you get…

Bertha

Yesterday…I wrote about promises kept…and I believe that keeping promises…especially to myself is vital…to my overall wellbeing…but…there’s a flipside to yesterday’s post…and that is…my Mama’s sage advice…don’t make promises I can’t keep…

Like a kid in a candy store…my eyes are often bigger than my stomach…okay…not really…I know my stomach is way bigger…I have a mirror…it’s just an expression…geez…anyway…my intentions…my promises…are often bigger than my capabilities…AKA…my energy level…

Yesterday was an awesome day…I made no promises…I just did things…I felt great…about nine o’clock…as I took the third load of clothes out of the dryer…I realized…I felt good…I mean totally…I felt good…

My next realization was…I couldn’t remember the last time that I had felt that way…no underlying headache or fuzziness…no fatigue…all things that I have since my Chiari surgery…and…I know…it was over a year ago…get over it already…and trust me…I want to…and…it is so much better than even six months ago…

Bertha’s recommendation…make the most of it…enjoy it to the fullest…she didn’t even hit me with the skillet…and…I did…I got so much accomplished…and…even visited with a dear friend…it was a beautiful day…I didn’t want it to end…

Part of the beauty of the day was…my realization…that my lack of accomplishment on many days…has nothing to do with being lazy…it is so easy to convince myself that laziness is the culprit…it is so easy to blame myself…when in fact…that just isn’t true…

My take away from this…make realistic promises…to myself…basing them on how I feel…not what I think the world thinks I should do…peer pressure rears its ugly head…

Today…I woke up with a headache…I’m tired…and…although…I’ll do what I need to do…I’m glad I did the laundry…and vacuumed…and all those other things…yesterday…because…today…I’m making no promises…

Jane

Promises Kept…

I woke up yesterday with the best of intentions…I would write…I would clean…do laundry…I would go to the gym…I got up plenty early…five o’clock…I promised myself…it would be a productive day…

Four hours later…nine o’clock…half a normal work day…the only thing I’d done was posted the blog…hmmm…slow writing for such a short piece…not really…mostly…goofing off…

Okay…a lot of time gone…restructure…maybe I wouldn’t clean or do laundry…yeah…I hate to give that up…but…I would write…and…I promised I would go to the gym…just as soon as I…check email…see what’s happening on Facebook…write this chapter…eat…digest…read a little more…hmmm…but…I was going to the gym…I promised…

Before I knew it…it was after five…a full twelve hours had passed…and then some…and I had not made it to the gym…it was time to put up or shut up…and honestly…I seriously considered shutting up…

It was almost dark…I didn’t really want to go…oh…I was dressed to go…I’d been dressed to go all day…doesn’t that count for something…no…it should…you sure are a stickler for rules…geez…

And…Bertha’s a stickler for living my truth…it was about that time that she pointed out…all the promises I’d started breaking…I pleaded innocent…I kept my promises…if I promised someone I would do something…I did it…

But…what about promises to me…she so eloquently pointed out…yeah…skillet to head…again…that every time I break a promise to me…that I have undermined…my truth…my self-confidence…setting me up for failure…

She reminded me of little promises I’d made and broken…I hadn’t even paid them any attention…a phone call I was going to make…a card I would send…a treat I wouldn’t eat…money I wouldn’t spend…the list went on…but…I think you’ve got the message…and I’m humiliated enough…

So…there I was…decision time…live my truth…or…break a promise to myself…I reached for the car keys…there was an exercise bike…waiting…with my name on it…and…I had miles to ride before I slept…

Jane

Imperturbability…

I don’t deserve this award…but…I have arthritis…and I don’t deserve that either…

Jack Benny

Sometimes…I whine…I know…it’s hard to believe…hey…you…that’s right…you sitting at the computer…quit rolling your eyes…they could get stuck like that…didn’t your Mama teach you anything…geez…now…you’ve broken my train of thought…

Let’s try again…sometimes I whine…I don’t like what is happening in my life…it’s like my life’s inbox has been spammed…you know…bombarded with crap I didn’t sign-up for…that I’m not certain where it came from…can’t return it…can’t even find the culprits to report them…

It’s easy…with email…and life…to sit around…and say…it ain’t my fault…I was minding my own business…when…spam…bam…thank you ma’am…I’m in the middle of something…that I definitely didn’t ask for…

Of course…I have filters for my inbox…the equivalent of email police…taking unruly…unsolicited…correspondence…to…email jail…where…I get to play judge and jury…undisputed authority…with a click of my mouse…I can delete them forever…

Life…not so much…

Where are my life filters when I need them…geez…

Bertha…rolls her eyes…see…now…you’ve her doing it…okay…we know she started it…and says…they are right where they’ve always been…I’m just not using them…

Huh…

That’s right…she says…the practices I’ve developed over the years…contemplation…the Forgiveness Prayer…prayer…reading good books…writing…exercise…all these things are my…life filters…it’s just that…sometimes…things are going well…or…I get busy…or bored…or something…and I quit using them…

Then…it’s just like turning off my computer filters…I’m inundated…with crap…

Hmmm…but…what about when I’m using my filters…I really am minding my own business…and something sneaks in anyway…

Bertha…assures me…there will always be…a promise of depositing money in my account…if only…I send them my banking information…that makes it to the inbox…no filter can screen out everything…I will never be totally imperturbable…that’s part of what makes life interesting…

That…and…getting to use phrases like…spam…bam…thank you ma’am…I just love writing…

Today’s a good day…but…think I’ll…spend some time in the contemplation chair…and go exercise…no point in letting my filters down…

Jane

Puzzles Rock…

If all rocks looked the same…how would we find our way home...

Bertha

Sometimes…when I sit down…I know exactly what I want to write about…something has happened…something is going on…funny or poignant…it just flows out onto the paper…

This morning…not so much…

This morning…I needed inspiration…a jumping off place…so…I dug into my journal…that’s where I write what you aren’t supposed to read…and somehow…you keep sneaking in there…I’ve got to hide that key better…geez…

It was in my journal…that I found Bertha’s quote…

I reflect…

It’s so easy…for me…to feel different…and yet…I know I’m the same…I remember…we talked about it before…we all want the same thing…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…

I know…I certainly do…and…that’s pretty much my list…

Well…that…and a killer body…and lots of money…and best-seller’s status…and maybe…a house in the mountains…and one on the beach…but…I digress…mostly in jest…

Essentially…we all want the same thing…to be heard…to be understood…to be loved…

We just see it from different perspectives…from unique points of view…and isn’t that the way it should be…not better…not worse…just different…

Puzzle pieces…all different…all unique…all essential…fitting together…to make a bigger picture…

Jane

Any Penny in a Storm…

Yesterday…I bent down to pick up a penny…as I walked to the school gym…it was right in the path where the kids had traveled…back and forth…all day…maybe they had seen it and maybe they hadn’t…

See a penny…pick it up…and all day long…you’ll have good luck…I’ve heard it all my life…and I’ve complied…

I’ve never been hit by a car…or a meteor…or captured by a giant gorilla in New York City…it must be working…or…at least…I think it is…

Now…there are rules…only pennies found face up are lucky…

So…let me get this straight…I’m riding my bicycle down the middle of a county road…and I spot a penny…I brake…turn around…search out the penny…only to find Mr. Lincoln sleeping on his tummy…and I ride away…

I don’t think so…I pick that little sucker up…say…everything I’m doing is paying off…and add it to the growing…road-kill change collection…

It amazes me that someone started the rule in the first place…what…they were too lazy to bend over…so they said to their companion…uh…it’s face down…uh…it’s not good luck…uh…better…leave it there…

Not me…I figure any money I find is…money I didn’t have…therefore…it’s bound to be lucky…

It also amazes me…that some people won’t bother to pick up change…it’s only a penny…or a nickel…or a quarter…

Not me…I figure any money I find is…money I didn’t have…therefore…it’s bound to add up…

But…that’s just me…

I find money in the strangest places…as mentioned…in the middle of a country road…what…people roll down their windows…and throw out their change…

Seriously…how does it get there…

Call me superstitious…but…almost the only penny I will leave…is in a public toilet…and…yes…I’ve seen them there…I’m thinking the Tidy Bowl Man throws them out of his little boat…the nautical equivalent of the country road scenario…

Well…I’ve given you my…two cents worth…

Now…I’m wondering…if I offer you…a penny…for your thoughts…why do you always give me…your…two cents worth…

Unfortunately…that will have to wait until another day…

Jane