Promises Kept…

I woke up yesterday with the best of intentions…I would write…I would clean…do laundry…I would go to the gym…I got up plenty early…five o’clock…I promised myself…it would be a productive day…

Four hours later…nine o’clock…half a normal work day…the only thing I’d done was posted the blog…hmmm…slow writing for such a short piece…not really…mostly…goofing off…

Okay…a lot of time gone…restructure…maybe I wouldn’t clean or do laundry…yeah…I hate to give that up…but…I would write…and…I promised I would go to the gym…just as soon as I…check email…see what’s happening on Facebook…write this chapter…eat…digest…read a little more…hmmm…but…I was going to the gym…I promised…

Before I knew it…it was after five…a full twelve hours had passed…and then some…and I had not made it to the gym…it was time to put up or shut up…and honestly…I seriously considered shutting up…

It was almost dark…I didn’t really want to go…oh…I was dressed to go…I’d been dressed to go all day…doesn’t that count for something…no…it should…you sure are a stickler for rules…geez…

And…Bertha’s a stickler for living my truth…it was about that time that she pointed out…all the promises I’d started breaking…I pleaded innocent…I kept my promises…if I promised someone I would do something…I did it…

But…what about promises to me…she so eloquently pointed out…yeah…skillet to head…again…that every time I break a promise to me…that I have undermined…my truth…my self-confidence…setting me up for failure…

She reminded me of little promises I’d made and broken…I hadn’t even paid them any attention…a phone call I was going to make…a card I would send…a treat I wouldn’t eat…money I wouldn’t spend…the list went on…but…I think you’ve got the message…and I’m humiliated enough…

So…there I was…decision time…live my truth…or…break a promise to myself…I reached for the car keys…there was an exercise bike…waiting…with my name on it…and…I had miles to ride before I slept…

Jane

Keep Your Eyes to Yourself…

Personal success…can only be measured…using your own stick…

Bertha

Keep your eyes to yourself…every student has heard it…every teacher has said it…

Being neither…I was unprepared when Bertha shouted those words to me at the gym this morning…I was on the middle of three treadmills…dreadmills as a friend calls them…and I admit…I couldn’t resist the urge to sneak a peek at the other screens…

This is what I saw…thought…

First…the guy to my right…so…that’s what eight miles an hour looks like…I’ll never make that…that’s like twice as fast as I go for my fast lap…he’s not even breathing hard…he’s probably burning a gazillion calories…not like me…poking along…

Next…woman on my left…so…she’s only going three miles an hour…that’s my slow pace…she’d probably do better if she did like me…and did intervals…so she could have some faster speeds…I’m probably burning more calories than her…

So…what was wrong with that…why was Bertha shouting…aside from the fact that was hard to hear above the treadmills and my iPod…

Well…she says it was because…comparing myself to others…whether favorably…or unfavorably…is totally nonproductive…that the only comparison that matters is me to me…it doesn’t matter if it’s my gym workout…my writing…the size of my house…or even my love life…

And…she’s right…again…give me a break…unlike me…she’s never wrong…wait…help…I’m doing it again…geez…

Jane

Just a Minute…Please

Working out hasn’t been so bad…I made it to the gym five days last week…I’m still only doing the treadmill…and walking at my own pace…or…actually…Bertha’s pace…

Bertha has me on her Just a Minute Plan…it goes something like this…after warming up…I walk at a comfy pace for a minute…then…I walk at a faster pace for a minute…then…drop back…speed up…and I just keep doing that…some minutes the slower pace is even slower…and some of the faster ones are as fast as I can go…

Here’s her theory…I can endure anything for a minute…then I can rest…it sounded reasonable…it wasn’t overwhelming…I could do it…but…would it really work…

You know what I did…I Googled…I can’t help it…it’s a sickness…geez…I need an intervention…could somebody do a Google and find one for me…

Anyway…sure enough…there’s a whole bunch of stuff written about it…they call it interval training…their theory involves things like VMax…aerobic and anaerobic thresholds…cardiac output…

Somehow…I like Bertha’s theory better…it’s a whole lot easier to understand…and she’s right…even when I go as hard as I can…I can make it a minute…then…I can take it really easy the next minute…

I can tell I’m building up stamina and speed doing this…and adjusting the speed every minute helps keep me from getting bored…and when my hip hurts…I just go slower again…

Oh…here she is with her gym bag now…I’ll be there in just a minute…

Jane

Back to Square Three…

Woo hoo…I’m finally back at the gym…don’t get excited…I’ve only been two days in a row…I’m not doing anything fancy…walking on the treadmill…not too fast…not too long…just trying to get back in shape…

It’s kind of frustrating…it feels like I completely wasted three years of my life…spent getting into shape…changing my eating habits…only to find myself…back at square one…out of shape…and overweight…

But…then I have to ask myself…REALLY…am I totally out of shape…and the answer is…NO…not totally…I’m by no means where I was a year and a half ago…but I’m also not where I was before I started working out a few years ago…either…

It’s the same with my weight…I have regained…way more than I’d like…hello…one pound is more than I’d like…and it’s a lot more than one…but…it’s not all of it…

So…I’m actually starting ahead of the game…when I started…must have been four years ago…I broke the Diet Coke habit…and never went back…I drink mostly water…I started eating more fruits and veggies…I still do…I cook most of my meals…I carry my lunch…I rarely eat fast food…it’s really just my sweet tooth that I need to tweak…

Unlike when I originally started…I’m really looking forward to the exercise…to challenging my body…to getting stronger…and…especially…to getting back on my bike this spring…

So…maybe I’m not back to square one…maybe I’m at square three…or even four…I know I’ve got a ways to go…but…I also know I can do it…I’ve done it before…

Jane

When Intentions Collide…Julie and Julia Provide…

Okay…technically…it’s still 2011…but I really wanted to get a jump start on my 2012 intention…

I spent yesterday…getting ready to live fully today…I joined a new gym…convinced that as the one year anniversary of surgery arrives…I have the stamina to exercise again…I took paintings to be framed…bought cloth napkins for my newly gifted frog napkin rings…I planned my to-do list for today…

But…alas…my body evidently knows that it is indeed the last day of 2011…not yet the first of 2012…

The cold I’ve been attempting to ignore…another…most likely re-gifted…Christmas present…is making itself well known…and reminding me…being gentle with me…isn’t going away…just because I’m enjoying life to the fullest…

I’m attempting to reconcile the two…listening to my sniffling body…while fully enjoying a day in my PJs…watching Julie & Julia…on TV…and interestingly…there are no accidents…it seems to be exactly the movie I need to encourage me…and keep me in balance…

I’m reminded…that I must follow my passion…but…at the same time…respect my everyday existence…for it is from that existence…that my passion flows…

I’m reminded…to keep going…to keep writing…even when I don’t know where…it will take me…for I am going exactly where I need to go…

I am reminded…that food is truly more than nourishment for the body…it can…and should be nourishment for the soul as well…and should be savored…not swallowed without thinking…

I am reminded that there is more than one way…some doors will close…and others will open…

Interestingly…I feel a little better…may even accomplish a few of those to-do items…but…they seem of little consequence now…the urgency is gone…as I gently enjoy life to the fullest…

Jane