Thursday, March 15, 2012

All’s Not Fair…In Love and Chiari…

I want to write…but…I’m not sure that my thoughts are coherent…quit rolling your eyes…and…snickering…my thoughts are usually coherent…well…sometimes…okay…you’re right…they’re rarely coherent…good…then you probably won’t notice the difference…you are getting testier than…Bertha…geez…
I stayed home from work with a headache…I called it a migraine…people understand migraine…but…honestly…it’s a Chiari headache…and…I’ve had them for years…although…I didn’t know what caused them…I just knew…that bright lights…barometric pressure changes…and certain music…would trigger headaches…that sometimes lasted for days…
At this point…almost bedtime…my head doesn’t exactly hurt…but…it’s still cloudy…feels like I have a hangover…and…no…I haven’t been drinking anything…except water…and I didn’t take narcotics…don’t be so quick to assume the worst…geez…it’s just the fuzziness that lingers after the pain goes away…
Honestly…I don’t have the headaches…nearly…as often as I used to…but…each time I do…it feels like an assault…a disappointment…each time one is over…I somehow…assume it is the last…
Then…I remember…
He said the surgery wouldn’t stop the headaches…but…I wanted it to…he moved my brain…tucked it all back in…where it was supposed to go…I wanted all the symptoms to go away…it seemed only fair…
He said the surgery wouldn’t reverse the numbness…but…I wanted it to…he moved my brain…tucked it all back in…where it was supposed to go…I wanted all the symptoms to go away…it seemed only fair…
This list could go on…and…on…with what could be considered minor inconveniences…except…there’s little point to enumerate…most of us have a list of some sort…badges of honor…badges of dishonor…from years of living…scars…visible…invisible…that we deal with…
And…although…it sounds like I’m whining…I’m really not…I’m just coming to terms with it one more time…
He moved my brain…tucked it all back in…where it was supposed to go…I wanted all the symptoms to go away…it seemed only fair…
Jane
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12 comments:

  1. Jess WilliamsMarch 15, 2012 at 5:00 AM

    Thank you for sharing *hugs*. Invisable illness can be the hardest to deal with. People can understand illness that they can *see* but sometimes when a person *looks normal* they fail to understand that what a person deals with everyday can be hard.

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    1. Jane CarrollMarch 15, 2012 at 5:48 AM

      Jess...thanks for stopping by and posting...when I first started the blog...I had no intentions of posting about Chiari...it seemed like whining...but...I've come to realize...that there are so many dealing with similar things...that it's something I have to write about from time to time...

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  2. Arlene O'NeilMarch 15, 2012 at 8:48 AM

    Your expectations were not out of the ordinary. Sometimes after surgery we tell ourselves we are fine because we are supposed to be. After all...isn't that what surgery is supposed to do? Make us all better? We are better...but there are still those little pieces left over that we just learn to deal with. Guess we are better than we were but not as good as we want to be. We just learn to deal with the leftovers.

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    1. Jane CarrollMarch 15, 2012 at 4:30 PM

      Thanks, Arelene...leftovers...yum...I'll take pizza...that sounds good...thanks for stopping in and commenting...

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  3. UnknownMarch 15, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    what a great story! It is difficult for people to understand what the trials of others are.

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    1. Jane CarrollMarch 15, 2012 at 4:32 PM

      Karen...you are so right...I know that I don't really understand what other people are going through...I try...but...I can only see them through my filters...

      Thanks for stopping in...and commenting...

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  4. Cathy BrockmanMarch 16, 2012 at 6:22 AM

    I can surely relate I just had a migraine that lasted ten days, Hope you feel better soon!

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    1. Jane CarrollMarch 16, 2012 at 6:30 AM

      Cathy...ouch...I'm glad it's better now...Me...I'm feeling really good today...thanks!

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  5. Christy BMarch 16, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    Thanks for sharing more about yourself with us Jane. Your poor head, I see from your reply above my comment here that you are feeling better today. I am glad to hear it my friend.

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  6. AnonymousMarch 19, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    Thanks, Jane, for your post about your battle with Chiari. All of us at the International Chiari Association (ICA), a nonprofit organization, are so proud of you. In fact, we mentioned it this morning at the ICA Newsroom (on our web site at www.ChiariAssociation.org ) and on our Facebook page. Our web site has links to our Facebook page and YouTube Channel.

    Thanks again for helping to bring awareness to Chiari. We wish you improved health and continued success.

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    1. Jane CarrollMarch 19, 2012 at 6:05 PM

      Thank you...ICA for sharing my story...hopefully...we will all make a difference...

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