Reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love touched me. I snatched my daughter’s copy…it wasn’t speaking to her…it said volumes to me. I related to the ending of an important relationship, I’ve always been a spiritual person…and the hope of new love…well I needed that most of all.
The book resonated with me for the moment and then I was on to something else…or was I?
Bertha only pointed out to me yesterday as I was buying some lovely fall fashions…in yet a larger size…that I had gotten stuck in the Eat stage. I know that it’s true…I eat for comfort…when I’m scared…mad…sad…I eat. And that’s what I had been doing for about two years…eating…and undoing the weight loss efforts of the years before. Once again…I had become what I ate…a muffin…darn carbs…
Thankfully, before I could totally berate myself for each of those regained pounds…the Pray stage came along. It wasn’t the smooth, clear-cut transition in the book…no hopping on a plane and landing in the land of mysticism…no it followed brain surgery…well…I didn’t know I was on her path or I would have chosen an ashram in India…give me a break!
Brain surgery was actually a time of nothing…no emotions…it was just blah. It wasn’t until the summer when I started to feel good again that the spiritual starvation was upon me. Suddenly, I couldn’t get enough…I’ve read so many books and have established my own rituals of prayer and meditation that includes sending love and light to others…
I’ll back up just a bit to the nothing…nothing is ever wasted…(pun intended)…feeling no emotion I was able to revisit situations and relationships from my past and truly understand and forgive…them and me. It was a nice benefit…but I wouldn’t recommend the surgery just for that outcome…
I think I’m still in Pray…in fact…I know I am…and that’s just fine…I do find that my eating is in check once again…as I practice loving not only God but myself and my body…it’s easier to feed those emotions without carbs.
So…I haven’t made it to Love…yet…but I have made it to Blog… which precedes Love…I’ve reached the place where I can open myself up to myself and others…and be vulnerable…and isn’t that what love really is?
Jane
Very good one, Jane. There are so many thoughts running through my head on this one, but I'll condense them (did I hear a hallelujah?) to say that I too have realized that being myself rather than being what I believe others expect, is freeing and much more comfortable. It is also loving myself...which of course we have to do in order to love others, truly. By the way, you're wearing out my brain cells with this blog thing. Stop that! I only have so many left.
ReplyDeleteJJ...glad this resonated with you today...I'll try to spare those brain cells...but I think you've got a ton of them left...can't wait for you to be writing again...hint...hint...hint...
ReplyDeleteYou may not have reached love yet Jane, but I love you and I love your writing! Gotta agree with you too, would like to read some JJ too!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Edie...I love you, too! I'm hoping it won't be long before JJ joins us again...you know we have to take breaks from time to time. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this Jane... It makes me realize that I haven't journaled since... oh... February. And, ya know, this last week, I've been noticing that my meditation practice has been, well, lacking.
ReplyDeleteI've had so much trouble reconnecting and getting still. You've made me realize that writing is my missing link.
I need to write again.
Jenn...I can honestly say that it is for me...whenever I can't seem to ground myself...I realize that I haven't been journaling...or writing anything for that matter. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOne step at a time...only way to get somewhere:)
ReplyDeleteRuth Anne...
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right...and for me...it seems to be one word at a time...